Where does the time go?

So. Been a while. I have too much going on.

Sensei Nick is left the country today. It'll be down to just me and Musashi in the house. : /

I start my new job on Monday. I got some seasonal work to help pay the bills. Graphic Design freelance work is rather patchy lately...

I need to stay focused. I have a lot to do. Its really hard not to lose motivation when Sensei Nick is out of the country, but I need to make sure I stay motivated and on task because I really want to achieve my goal of being a Martial Arts Instructor someday. I feel like I never have enough time to work on stuff. And that kills me because the sad thing is, I don't watch T.V., I don't play video games very often (maybe once or twice a month at this point), I don't go clubbing or hanging out with friends very often, etc. Where the hell does all my time go???

Obviously, helping run a house, it goes to helping Sensei Nick with paperwork and errands, cooking, helping out with family needs like taking the kids to school, picking them up, etc. But still, I must say I am feeling very discouraged this afternoon.

Anyway, Here are some of the projects I currently have going on.

• Website stuff: 
• Updating the GMA website and making tweaks as necessary: Our updated information!
• Getting my own personal domain issues sorted out so I can get TiffaniSahara.com back up and running as well as TiffaniSaharaCreative. Effectively the same website, just different names. 
• The larger project here is really that I need to learn wordpress. T.T
• Working on PowerLineDesigns and Graphic Design
• coming up with new designs and ideas for merchandise on cafepress, zazzle, imagekind, etc. for Power Line Designs
• Design and make a new flyer for Main Street Martial Arts
• Design an identity and related materials for a potential project
• Continuing to fix up the house (lofty goals, but still, I like to aim high):
• Have most of, if not the entire, interior of the house painted by the time Sensei Nick gets back.
• Replace all interior doors and molding
• Martial Arts (last but not least)
• Do all my kata every day
• Reread and review "Way of Kata"
• Finish and review "How to Win a Fight"
• Watch the Bunkai DVDs regarding the Heian/Pinan kata by Abernethy.
• Continue to attend Aiki class twice a week
• Work out with and learn from instructor who runs the dojo that Nick is currently teaching out of after hours. 
• This will more or less function like an internship. While I am not intent on pursuing any ranks TaeKwonDo, the owner runs the entire school by herself and is need of a little bit of help. She is the only instructor and since Sensei Nick doesn't have an official school as such at the moment and I am in desperate need of teaching experience and more time in a dojo environment in general we talked to her about setting something up. She agreed to let me come in and shadow her for a few weeks and help her teach once I get some of the kata down and learn the ropes. It'll be a really sweet deal as long as my newly found seasonal work doesn't make that impossible. Which I will say I am very nervous about as I already told them I cannot work Monday or Tuesday evenings (as that is Aiki night) and they have already scheduled me for Monday close next week. :( 
• Homework from Sensei Nick (In addition to watching Abernethy's Bunkai DVDs and Reading "Way of Kata" and "How to Win a Fight" and "Teaching the Martial Arts" if I have time, write out several fight scenes. Starting small, with just a few exchanges here and there, and going up. What do I think two guys with no training would look like fighting each other on the street. How about a beginner rank and a guy with no training, intermediate? advanced? Two advanced fighters? etc. Which means I also probably need to get and read Miller's "Violence, a Writer's Guide." *sigh 

Anyway, overall I think I just need to try to stay very focused and motivated. I WANT my kata to look better by the time Sensei Nick comes back. I WANT to be in better shape by the time Sensei Nick comes back. I want to earn my next ranks and display proficiency, skill, and understanding that any Sensei would be proud of.

Before he left Sensei Nick and I briefly discussed my current ranks. In Aikijutsu I am white belt with two stripes, effectively the equivalent of an orange belt as Nick's school only has two stripes till green belt. I am also an orange belt in Shotokan Karate. And soon to be learning TaeKwonDo. (I know, information overload right? Probably no the best way to study, but I need the teaching experience so I will take what I can get) I feel like every time I study Martial Arts I get RIGHT TO THIS POINT, and then either have to quit or start over. I have never been any higher than an orange belt. And I have been an orange belt many times. I am SICK OF IT. This is incredibly frustrating and upsetting to me. Granted, I know it isn't necessarily the color of the belt that denotes your skill/understanding/proficiency, etc. Nick and I have discussed several times that rank is only applicable from the school you received it from. A black belt from one school may not meet the same requirements or skill levels as a black belt from another school. In a way, its all very subjective. Either way, I WANT TO GET PAST THE BEGINNER RANKS! (And yes, I know, once you get your shodan it just means you have all the basics and you can really start learning, but you know what I mean, white through orange is generally considered beginner, then the next couple are intermediate and then brown is advanced, etc etc) I guess I want it as... as sort of a mile marker or something... something that means, YES, I am making progress, I am sticking with it, I do some understanding of what I am doing, etc.

I WANT to study and learn and be good. I want it desperately, but every time I get started down the Martial Path life comes along and throws a wrench in my spoke. Well, life, I've got news for you, NOT THIS TIME!

I don't want to say that I want a black belt, because I understand that the belt is not the goal, more so now than ever before, but I want to be skilled and proficient in Martial Arts. Particularly Aikijutsu and also Karate. I want it so bad I can almost taste it, I just have to make sure I stay focused and on task so that I can accomplish my goals. 

T.T I'm wearing myself out just thinking about all this stuff. More posts to come soon. 

~Samurai Girl Sahara