5 Year Plan

Today I was asked what my 5 year plan was.

I responded like a deer in the headlights.

Which felt pretty miserable. I know the things I want to do and become, but I wasn't sure how to articulate them. And of course when I was asked my answer mattered.

I spent the rest of the day thinking... What IS my 5 year plan? What DO I really want to do? What do I want my life to look like in 5 years?

Initially the things that came to mind are "I want to have learned more, I want to be more capable physically and mentally, and I want to have a vast wealth of knowledge and understanding when it comes to the human body."

Really, the answers need to be more substantial than that. Over the last few months, Nick and I have been talking about my strengths, my weaknesses, how to grow my massage business, among other things. We've come to realize one very critical thing about me. I'm an excellent facilitator. I am really great at helping other people achieve their dreams, but I tend to stumble when it comes to spending time on my own things.

I've given that some more thought... is that really such a bad thing? Maybe I should embrace the fact that that is what I'm good at. Maybe that is my dream, I just haven't realized it yet?

I've gotten to where I don't enjoy working for other people primarily because I've had terrible managers the last several jobs, and I like my job to have a lot of flexibility with my schedule. When I think about why I wouldn't want to work for someone else, it is 90% percent because I don't want another crapy manager, and 10% because I want a more flexible schedule, or I want to have an easier time scheduling time off, which I ask for very rarely to begin with. I think I'm usually excellent at scheduling things around work. The truth is, I function much better with a set schedule. I just don't like to admit it.

I will bust my ass for a manager who cares about me. I will work 12 hours a day, 7 days a week when needed, if I know that later on down the road when I go to my manager and say "Hey, I want to take a weekend off next month to do an obstacle run." and the manager helps me work it out, that's awesome. I will walk through hot coals and go to the ends of the earth for a manager or co-workers who really care about and work to support each other like that.

So what if I found a job that could be like that? Would I still want to be self employed, or would I want to go back to working for someone else again? I could easily see myself in more of a management type roll for another business. A manager who leads by example and jumps in and helps their employees vs. a boss who sits back and demands a commands, to be specific. I could see myself doing it, and being very happy if I had great leaders above me.

It's definitely given me things to think about recently.

Back to the 5 year plan. If I had full 100% control over where I am in 5 years, what would that look like?

The Snapshot I saw in my head when asked "What is you 5 year plan?" was this:

• I will be working for Dan & Ryan at Axistence Athletics as both a trainer and an unofficial physical therapist. I will teach group classes, teach stretch and mobility classes, and assist in running the business in any other way needed.
• I will be working for Nick at his Martial Arts school in the same capacity as I am working for Axistence Athletics, teaching group classes, teaching mobility classes, and assist in running the business in any other way needed.
• Partner my business with Axistence and Nick's school to offer one on one massage therapy/physical therapy type sessions to really help people become pain free and live the awesome adventures they want. *(Whether this looks like contract work through my business, or whether the businesses decide to just hire me on and offer that service through their business, however that works out best for all parties involved)
• Nick and I will be Debt Free! 
• I will have a completed at least one comic book or novel.

In a nutshell... that's what I'm aiming for. Those are my professional/work life goals.

Yes, that's like... 3 jobs. But... if you love what you're doing it's not really work. And that's honestly where I see myself. And happily. Axistence Instructor by day, Martial Arts Instructor by night, Artist in my down time.

To make my 5 year plan come true, there is going to be a lot of work involved. There will be lots of steps to make that happen, including getting lots more certifications (Personal Training, CrossFit Level 1, CrossFit Gymnastics, Gymnastic Bodies, etc), finishing getting my black belts in Aiki and Karate, and of course using my free time to actually make art instead of surf Facebook as I tend to do... ¬.¬

The cool thing is, I WANT to learn. I want to do ALL that hard work so I can know ALL THE THINGS.

There is a saying, If you ever find that you are the smartest person in the room, it's time to find another room. Well, I'm not sure I've ever been the smartest person in the room, but I definitely feel like I am finding new rooms with lots of very, VERY smart people in them. I want to learn all they have to offer so I can really learn and know the human body inside and out, how it works, what it's capable of, and how to fix it when it gets stuck or 'broken'.

I feel good about all this. I feel like I'm headed in the right direction. I need to sit down and prioritize and map all these things out, but for now I feel good to have gotten them written down. I read or heard somewhere that writing your goals down makes it more likely they will be accomplished. So here it is. Just don't ask me about my 10 year plan... I think my head would probably explode.

All the best!

Samurai Girl

Humble Pie - Asking for support for advanced training

Wow.

I can't believe it's been almost a year since I last posted. I can't even begin to explain how many things have changed. Denver is awesome, but it's been a very stressful last few months. Between October and now I've had maybe 12 - 15 days off in total. I finally was able to go back to being seasonal at Barnes and Noble so I have some time to study for State Board Testing and start really job hunting in April. I am currently in training at a Spa down in Castle Rock, which is really exciting.

I am one month away from finishing school at the Aveda Institute. I will be dual licensed in massage therapy and aesthetics/esthetics. I am working on lining up some jobs, and the good news is that full time employment for massage therapists is around 32 hours a week, or four days. This will give me lots of time to go back to training in the martial arts and drawing. But I digress.

The main reason that I am writing this post is because, as some of my readers know, I made the decision to switch careers because I wasn't really happy in the design industry. I like art, I just don't like doing graphic design and advertising for a living. I didn't feel like I was really making a difference in anyone's life. I wasn't interacting with people or reaching them on a personal level. I know graphic design has the capacity to do this, but I just wasn't feeling fulfilled. I sort of wandered around for a while and considered many other careers, including personal trainer and physical therapist, but I eventually settled on massage therapy. After going to school for massage I can definitely say that I picked the right choice.

I absolutely love getting to make people feel great. The benefits of massage are AMAZING! Better health, better sense of well being, reduced muscle pain, better digestion, relief from stress, tension, anxiety, better mobility and range of motion, etc. Ultimately I've decided I want to specialize more in modalities that allow me to work deep tissue work and to work with athletes and/or very active people. Not that I can't work on anyone, but being around martial artists, cross fitters, LEO, etc. I want to work with people who work with their bodies a lot. Especially after working on the guys at my gym (Axistence Athletics) and seeing how even a few sessions has made a difference for them.

The problem is that deep tissue work can be incredibly hard on a massage therapists' body. Especially for us smaller massage therapists. Even with really good posture and body mechanics I am finding that I can be a little sore at the end of the day. And I only do massage two days a week in school. I'll be doing double once I'm graduated and employed. Many massage therapists have incredibly short careers, lasting between 2 and 5 years before they destroy their shoulders, wrists, or thumbs, from repetitive motion strain. AHHH! This terrifies me! I don't want to be in pain all the time or have life long problems with my shoulders, wrists or thumbs! I want to help people with their pain, stiffness, anxiety, etc and still take care of my body too.

I have really fallen in love with this line of work and would love to be able to do it for years to come. Nick's massage therapist in Oklahoma practices a modality called Ashiatsu. (Which is where I first heard about it). Ashiatsu (Ashi = feet and Atsu = pressure) is where the massage therapist can walk on the client's body and use their feet and their body weight to apply pressure. They get to use their full body weight and gravity to do all of the hard work and it saves the massage therapist's body. When I decided on massage therapy I knew that I wanted to learn this as soon as possible.

Now that I am at the end of my program, I started looking into attending an Ashiatsu class. I was lucky enough to receive the last spot in the April class here in Denver. This is actually the place where this modality was made and I will get to study with the lady who developed it! Here is a Link to the Deep Feet School in case you're curious. So the end of April is going to look like this:

April 22nd - Last classroom day at school
April 23rd - Take the MBLEX (this test lets me get licensed in the state of CO)
April 24th - 27th - Take Ashiatsu barefoot basics and the anterior and side lying class (Missing my last clinic floor day at school to take this class)
April 28th - Graduation

I can get everything all wrapped up at once and hit the ground running once I graduate! There are few hurdles I still have to overcome though. This class if pretty expensive, and I'm a little financially strapped due to being in school and only being able to work part time, I'm having to sign up for all my state testing which is about $400 in testing fees, plus insurance, plus background check and fingerprints, of course my car just died last week and I am having to get a new one; anyone who has even been self employed, especially in massage therapy, knows that it will take a while to build up a clientele, so I might not be making much money at all my first few months out of school. Basically, typical life stuff.

I have had friends in the past who have had really good luck with GoFundMe, so I thought I would try it. I only need to raise about $800-900. The class is $795, which if I could just get that much that would be great! After that there is about $100 or more in supplies I will need to buy before I attend. I even posted reward levels similar to how KickStarter does it, because I want people to know I genuinely appreciate their support. From hand written thank you letters up to a free massage. But when I posted a fundraiser online and linked it on Facebook I got a lot of feedback about people who didn't want to support me through that website, or who were uncomfortable about how much information that website took, etc.

So I promptly took it down. At this point I honestly feel really strange and awkward about the whole thing. I feel bad asking for money. Like, I have that sinking feeling of "Why, God did I even post that? Why did I think it was a good idea? Can't I just take it back?" I feel pathetic and I feel really bad for posting it, I should have just kept my mouth shut and tried to figure out how to pay for it on my own. It's a humbling feeling, having to ask for help.

I was talking to a good friend Indi about it this evening. ( Check out her stuff! --> Indi's Business Facebook and her Webcomic: Dissolution. Indi is a huge inspiration to me because she took the leap I've been really afraid to take for a long time. She jumped in with both feet, quit her job, and started making a living as an artist by doing comic books and fan art. I really admire her for that and hope to do the same someday when Nick and I start our own business.)

Anyway, she mentioned that she remembered it feeling awkward and uncomfortable when she was running her KickStarter campaign to get her comic printed. The feeling I have now is definitely an icky feeling, but I also remember being able to back her project. I've backed several of my friend's projects and other projects on KickStarter over the last two or three years and it's a really wonderful feeling. I get so excited when I can donate money to someone to help them reach their goal and get their book published or their movie made or their board game manufactured. It's something I will continue to do as long as I can. Even if it's just a few dollars here and there, it really makes a difference for those people trying to achieve their dream. So Indi suggested I type up a blog post with my story so she could link it to some of her friends since some people might be willing to donate via PayPal or send a check in the mail. You never know until you ask. And everyone has to start somewhere, right?

So I have done just that. I still want to send people hand written thank you notes, drawings, and give free massages to people who donate to help me go to this class to show my appreciation. Obviously the massages are a little harder because I know people all over the country and all over the world, but the offer still stands. But I don't expect people to just give me money, I want to do something in return for them if I at all possible.

If you are interested in helping me get to this class so I continue to help make martial artists and non-martial artists alike feel relaxed and pain free for years to come, please let me know. I would be incredibly, genuinely, and sincerely thankful.

You can e-mail me at Tiffani.Sahara(a)gmail.com  or send a donation via paypal using that e-mail address. (Please note that my name is spelled with an "i" and not a "y" at the end, so if your phone/computer auto corrects the spelling and you don't change it back, it will go to the wrong place)

Thank you for reading and I'll be sure to post something more soon. I have had a few ideas for posts I've been wanting to get written up, I just haven't had time to do it yet. @.@

<3  - Tiff

Know Thyself. Also, progress!

I think it can be very important and eye opening for people to know their strengths, weaknesses, and personality types. Sometimes knowing a little bit about yourself can help you understand your behavior, find the best job suited for you, help you navigate difficult situations, understand and/or overcome your weaknesses, and more.

I have compiled some personality tests and strengths finders that I have found to be generally well accepted and accurate. Have fun, take them, see what you learn. I posted my results just for fun. You will have gotten to know Samurai Girl just a little bit better after this post. Lucky you. :þ

Myers Briggs or Myers Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) - pretty much everyone has heard of the Myers Briggs personality test. There are 16 different personality types according to four different behavioral indicators. Extrovert vs. Introvert, Sensing vs. Intuitive, Feeling vs. Thinking, and Judging vs Perception. Based on a series of questions the test is designed to determine which side of the spectrum you are on the four dynamics and give you your type, which is usually abbreviated with one letter from each type. For example, I'm an INFJ, which stands for Introvert Intuitive Feeling Judgement. Typelogic.com and Wikipedia have good breakdowns of the types and their descriptions. You can take the Myers Briggs Personality Test here ALWAYS go with your first response/initial reaction when answering these types of yes-no or multiple choice questions.

My Results: INFJ is the rarest of types, usually accounted as being between 1–3% of the population.

INFJs are conscientious and value-driven. They seek meaning in relationships, ideas, and events, with an eye toward better understanding themselves and others. Using their intuitive skills, they develop a clear and confident vision, which they then set out to execute, aiming to better the lives of others. Like their INTJ counterparts, INFJs regard problems as opportunities to design and implement creative solutions.

INFJs have been mistaken for extroverts, as they tend to possess multiple personalities due to their complex inner life; however, they are true introverts. INFJs are private individuals who prefer to exercise their influence behind the scenes. Though they are very independent, INFJs are intensely interested in the well-being of others. INFJs prefer one-on-one relationships to large groups. Sensitive and complex, they are adept at understanding complicated issues and driven to resolve differences in a cooperative and creative manner.

INFJs have a rich, vivid inner life that they may be reluctant to share with those around them. Nevertheless, they are congenial in their interactions and perceptive of the emotions of others. Generally well liked by their peers, they may often be considered close friends and confidants by most other types; however, they are guarded in expressing their own feelings, especially to new people, and tend to establish close relationships slowly. INFJs tend to be easily hurt, though they may not reveal it (except to their closest companions). INFJs may "silently withdraw as a way of setting limits" rather than expressing their wounded feelings—a behavior that may leave others confused and upset.

INFJs tend to be sensitive, quiet leaders with a great depth of personality. They are intricately, deeply woven, mysterious, highly complex, and often puzzling, even to themselves. They have an orderly view toward the world but are internally arranged in a complex way that only they can understand. Abstract in communicating, they live in a world of hidden meanings and possibilities. With a natural affinity for art, INFJs tend to be creative and easily inspired, yet they may also do well in the sciences, aided by their intuition.

What I can learn from this: Not everyone feels things as intensely as I do, so I need to give myself a safe space and time to express and feel emotions accordingly. Large group settings are not where I am a viking, and that is ok; it also probably wouldn't hurt to express to people that I am an introvert and/or that I am uncomfortable and need a moment to get some air instead of just withdrawing quietly or disappearing. This can help avoid confusion and hurt feelings. I need creativity and meaning in my world to feel content and I need to be solving problems to feel successful.

As a side note I find it pretty interesting to note that some of my closest friends are INTJs or ENTJs. We're very close in some ideas and behaviors except for the emotional aspects. I'm the 'feeler' of my group as it were, which also makes it very easy for me to be guilt tripped and/or emotionally manipulated, which I need to watch out for. 

Gallup Strengths Finder  -  This test you do have to pay for, but I think to take the test it is probably $10. It is really good at assessing your strengths. This is meant more to help direct you in the work force to allow you to find a good job and a good position for you, but understanding your strengths and drives can also greatly help you understand your behaviors in your personal life as well. It can also show you your weaknesses and give you tips on areas of improvement or things to look for. There are 34 total strengths and taking the test will give you your top five. Here is the direct link to the gallup strengths finder quiz purchase page. 

My results were:
Input, Learner, Responsibility, Restorative, and Empathy. These roughly break down like the following

Input - loves collecting knowledge and information
Learner - loves to learn
Responsibility - has an inherent need to take responsibility and be responsible for my actions, etc.
Restorative - has an inherent need to fix things, especially my own mistakes. (I think this goes hand in hand with Responsibility. It makes sense I have both, really.)
Empathy - can intuitively understand the feelings and the needs of others and sympathize. 

Equilibria Personality Type -  I like this test a little more than the straight up single color personality profiles because it gives you a dual color result rather than just "blue" or "yellow". This test is free and can be taken on the Equilibria website.

My Results Were:

Blue/Red - The Doing Relater

I am an industrious person who focuses on goals and proceeds full speed ahead. I am willing to be supportive of others if it helps me achieve my objectives. I do have a genuine desire to complete tasks from start to finish, preferably by myself.

I am highly focused and sometimes forget to ask or seek other people's opinions. I have a tendency to say 'I' instead of 'we.’

I am competitive and find it difficult to delegate tasks and jobs.

My tendencies include:

• I dislike being told what to do or when or how to do something
• I am reluctant to change what I think or how I feel
• I will only delegate tasks when absolutely necessary
• I like to make sure that production is completed on schedule
• I depend a lot on plans for action and follow up routines
• I become tenacious and even more anxious when under pressure

My Potential Limiters:

With tasks: Because I am so focused, I could benefit by broadening my perspectives. I need to learn to be effective outside my comfort zone by considering different points of view and finding other ways to achieve my goals. All too often, I am in the 'either / or' mode in my decision making and need to practice flexibility.

With people: I must start to show confidence in others by delegating and giving people tasks that will be fulfilling for them. I can also benefit by creating more free time and space in my life, as well as generally appreciating and tolerating differences among people.

• I should ask others to share their ideas on how to accomplish tasks and how to satisfy their needs and expectations.
• I should be more genuinely open with others by revealing my feelings and addressing theirs.
• I should be less afraid to seek guidance or ask for help.

What I can learn:  I think that a lot of the quiz's recommendations for me to basically open up to people more stem from my introvertedness. After discussing my personality type with my mom, I discovered that I actually started life as an extrovert and through a lot of bullying and bad teacher experiences throughout the course of my childhood I withdrew, grew a shell, and turned into an introvert. It's interesting that my initial reactions to it being suggested is to scoff and think "But you don't know what people are really like!" Which means I probably do need to work on opening up a little more. It's not that I'm not genuine or sincere with people that I don't know well, it's just that I'm very guarded and initially distrustful. I need to be more soft when it comes to dealing with others.


Well, there you have it. I encourage you to take time for introspection and reflection.

As I've mentioned before I haven't been posting regularly because I've been having some difficulty with finding direction and motivation in life. Nick and I have had some pretty involved conversations lately regarding this and I feel like we've finally broken some ground. Understanding what it is that drives me, what I respond well to, and what I don't, has been instrumental in helping me get out of my slump.

Oklahoma has been a difficult learning experience for me, but I'm glad that I moved down. I've had some really good experiences and Nick has helped me through a lot. On the whole though I am really looking forward to moving forward in my life and tackling the next thing.

The move to back to Colorado will be a great reset. (For both Nick and I) I'm looking forward to going back to school. I've decided to become a Massage Therapist, which will allow me some freedom with my schedule once I am able to work on my own, and this can later be incorporated into Nick's martial arts school if desired. It's a quick 9 months and then I'll be done with school and into the work force.

There are several excellent martial arts schools (and people) to study with in Colorado, which both Nick and I are looking forward to.

Colorado is a healthier state and it will be much more enjoyable to be in the great outdoors, hiking and camping in the mountains, etc, instead of dealing with the extreme heat, humidity and allergies of Oklahoma.

To name just a few of the things we are looking forward to.

Hopefully I should be back into the swing of things fairly quickly and can get back to posting good Martial Arts, Health, Fitness, and Violence related posts again in the near future. Thanks for bearing with me, this last year has been especially difficult, but I feel like things are finally looking up and moving forward. I feel very positive and uplifted for the first time in a long time. Like a great weight has (finally) been lifted off my back.

Wishing you all the best,

Samurai Girl


P.S. if anyone has any particularly good suggestions for places to study at (or at least visit) in Colorado I would be happy to hear them. We are going to be in the Denver area. Currently on our list is Nippon Kan Aikido (also Domo), I think Nick is going to at least check out Bob Orlando's school in Lakewood, and hopefully we can also get down to visit Marc MacYoung's school in Castle Rock before too long as well. Other suggestions are welcome in the comments below. 

Bullying isn't just for kids

Bullying. How does bullying make it's way onto a martial arts and fitness blog? Why?

Bullying is a lot more prevalent then we think. We often think it's just something that happens on the school playground, or in the locker room. The big guy picks on the smaller weaker guy. That's how life is, we're told. That's why many kids join Martial Arts to begin with. I don't want to be picked on anymore. I want to defend myself.

I don't want to cover playground bullying, or even whether kids who learn martial arts should really use that to defend themselves and to 'show the bully whatfor'. That's a whole 'nother can of worms I'm not even remotely prepared to deal with right now.

Bullying does not stop when you graduate high school. Adults bully each other all the time. I think adults are sneakier about it though. Adults use different tactics than just straight up name calling and pushing the other person into the mud, or dumping them in a trash can, or stuffing them in a locker.

Physical bullying still exists in the adult realm, but I think most adults tend to shift towards more emotional and metal bullying. Guilt tripping for example. I would define bullying as using negative words and/or actions to attempt to illicit a certain specific emotional or physical response from someone else (I.E. to control them).

I'll be totally honest. I have family members that do this. It's HORRIBLE. One very common label for this type of behavior is 'co-dependency'. Mental Health of America defines it as "It is an emotional and behavioral condition that affects an individual’s ability to have a healthy, mutually satisfying relationship. It is also known as “relationship addiction” because people with codependency often form or maintain relationships that are one-sided, emotionally destructive and/or abusive." They say it is common in families with drug and alcohol addiction, but this certainly doesn't always have to be the case. Mainly, what it boils down to, is you are dealing with people who will use their anger, bad attitudes, tempers, emotions, guilt trips, etc. to try to control you and get you to behave a certain way. This can happen in the work place, in relationships, in families, etc.

I definitely don't want to go into diagnosis of this, and not everyone who gets angry is a co-dependent person. I'm only using this as one example, because I think a lot of adults, especially in today's society of instant gratification and narcissism, exhibit at one time or another at least one of the signs or behaviors that would be classified as co-dependent. In my opinion: anyone who treats you like crap to get something from you or to make themselves feel better is a bully, no matter how they do it.

This is an especially important issue to me right now because I am in a situation where I have to deal with people who behave irrationally and who use their explosive anger and bad attitude to bully others into doing what they want or into getting their way. People are often afraid to stand up to the bully because they feel ramifications of doing so far outweigh just being quiet, giving in, and letting them have their way. It might be a close friend or loved one, which makes it even harder to deal with. Especially when the bully is such a bully that having a rational conversation or a calm discussion is out of the question.

How do we deal with that? What is the best way to handle people in our lives who behave like this?

While this a martial arts blog and sometimes we feel the best and most satisfying way would be to give them a good swift punch in the mouth, this is unfortunately illegal and probably not the best use of our martial skills, no matter how desperately we want to believe otherwise.

Instead, we must learn a 'Kung Fu of the Mind and Mouth' as it were. If you cannot remove the person from your life (because sometimes that is the healthiest thing), then you need to learn to deal with them.

[Also, just a quick disclaimer, I'm OBVIOUSLY not a counselor or psychologist, so please don't take this as gospel. This is just what I have seen and learned and experienced in my own life.]

First, and this can be very, VERY hard depending on your personality type, don't let them control your emotions. Don't let them guilt trip you or belittle you or yell at you. They will try. A large part of their identity revolves around making you feel a certain way. They will not give that up easily. You can either remove yourself from the situation immediately, or wait until they are finished and then tell them you will come back when they are willing to treat you with decency. Then follow through on that. I know this sounds incredibly crass, but it can be like training a dog. Your presence and attention is a reward, it's what they want. So when they do something hurtful, you take the reward away. You remove yourself from the equation. When you remove yourself every time the bad behavior is presented, they will (hopefully) pick up on that and begin to realize that by trying to use their angry outbursts or guilt trips to control you, they are only succeeding in making you go away. If they want you to be around, they need to stop. Most importantly, DON'T OWN THEIR BEHAVIOR! Their guilt trip is NOT YOUR FAULT. The only person you have control over is you, and their emotional happiness is not, and should not, be dependent on YOU, no matter how much they want to convince you otherwise.

This can take some serious courage and can be very difficult. But once you have the right mind set and can follow through you now have strong Kung Fu of the Mind.

Since I was a kid I believed having strong Kung Fu of Mouth was a matter of being able to come up with a witty come back fast enough, or have a large enough repertoire of names and insults so that you didn't run out before you opponent did. My dad is a master at this type of word war, so naturally I thought that was how it had to be done. Since I did not feel smart enough to have good come backs nor was I sure enough of the depth of my bad name dictionary, I very rarely, if even, engaged in 'Verbal Kung Fu'. I only very recently discovered the real and best way to be strong in Verbal Kung Fu to be true.

I was talking with a close friend over the weekend and the discussion of how to handle this type of bullying behavior came up.

He said "Don't sink to their level or play their game. You never explain or argue."

"Why?" I asked, "Because you can end up explaining yourself into a corner or perpetuating the argument?" I now realize I was thinking like a fighter, wanting to play the game; not like a warrior who wants to end the conflict.

"You never explain yourself to an inferior. In human social dominance, superiors do not explain themselves. You only argue with equals." This is sort of a part of the mental Kung Fu in my opinion. Prepping yourself with the proper mindset to handle a confrontation. It goes back to the body language and being able to fight an opponent with out even touching them, which Mr. Wilder covered at his most recent seminar. (See... the dots are coming together.) "If you start explaining yourself, you're automatically acting like the junior or less confident person." He went on to explain, "If you have to say anything, say the truth."

It kind of dawned on me at that moment, it's not about witty come backs or name calling. All you need to do is recognize the truth, and if necessary, say it. The truth can hurt more than anything in the world, especially if it is contrary to people's self image which they have built for themselves. (Miller talks about this in Meditations on Violence.)

Our discussion probably seems a little bit cold and even heartless. However, at a certain point, you may have to put on a different mind set to get you through. (Miller also talks about this. I think he refers to it as 'plastic mind', being able to change your mind set in order to survive a conflict.) Someone who treats other's badly to make themselves feel better is NOT a superior person.

The other thing you can do is try to steer the conversation. I had one family member who was very negative about my move to Oklahoma. Every time I talked to this family member I tried to keep control of the conversation, I was positive and I talked about only the good things that were going on in my life. It took some time—several months—but eventually, they got over it and quit trying to make me feel bad for making the decision I made.

There is a tremendous amount of body language and controlling other people with your actions, something as simple as where you stand when you talk to them, or how fast you answer a text message, that I don't understand. Probably because I just don't think about it. I'm not even really sure I want to understand it, the whole subject kind of makes me uncomfortable.

I think knowing your personality type can help you understand your behavior patterns a lot. I may do an article about that in the future. I'm an introvert who tends to avoid public situations and people in general. Nick says a lot of how I experience the world goes on in my head. I generally don't interact with people if I can help it, and so I don't people watch. Those few people who I am comfortable enough to be myself around I trust so implicitly I don't spend a lot (or any) time thinking about my body language or behavior. I have picked up on the fact that when I am in a new place or around new people my body language is very closed off and guarded. Generally though I don't pay much attention to it, or how other people's body language effects me. But I know there is a wealth of secret knowledge regarding all of this unspoken communication between people. (and, dare I say... an arsenal of weapons in knowing how to manipulate that.) It may be worth looking into.

I'm getting off topic, which means I probably need to wrap up before my train of thought meanders too far off course.

The point is, and Wilder covered this at the seminar too, to do everything you can to tip the scales in your favor. Read the story of Miyamoto Musashi vs. Sasaki Kojiro. Musashi showed up late, with the sun to his back, refused to let Kojiro's taunting affect him, possibly even goaded him into it, and then when Kojiro was so mad he just rushed into battle Musashi killed him with a boat oar he crafted into a Bokken so he would have a weapon with a longer reach. He did everything he could to tip the scales in his favor.

We have to do the same thing. We cannot fight bullies on their terms. We have to fight them on ours, and we have to do it in a way that is smarter and safer. We need to understand how (and sometimes why) bullies are being bullies and then craft our weapons to have just a bit longer reach, face them with the sun to our backs, and don't let their emotional abuse get to you. Fight like a Samurai and may your mental and verbal Kung Fu be strong.

Coping with Stress

I did a post about this before, but I wanted to revisit the topic. My mom came down to visit this weekend and she is having an incredibly stressful time in her job right now. She's been having horrible migraines that last for days as well as gastrointestinal discomfort. She said she was going to the doctor on Monday about it. I told her she was stressed and she needed a massage. Mom called me today and said that the doctor told her, "It's very likely stress related, get a massage and/or try some yoga." That's right mom, the Tiffani knows best, so this article is for you. (And anyone else who is dealing with a tremendous amount of stress in their life)

Last time I covered some of the effects stress can have on your body and briefly went over some ways to deal with that, but I want to go a little more in depth on how to handle stress as opposed to just listing all the terrible things it can do to your body.

First it's very important to identify the sources of stress in your life. If it is something you can't avoid (in my mom's case it's her job) then you should try to work on limiting unnecessary stress. (By the way mom, time to find a new job.) Here are some things you can do to help with limiting your stress. (This website does a great job of explaining them)

Avoid

• Learn to say NO.
• Avoid people who stress you out.
• Make your environment comfortable and reduce sources of anxiety

Alter

• Express your emotions instead of bottling them up
• Be willing to compromise and let some things go
• Attempt to maintain good time management, but not to the point it stresses you out more.

Adapt

• Look at the big picture
• Focus on the positive
• If you're a perfectionist, try not to be so hard on yourself

Accept

• Realize there are things you can't control, and don't try to control them
• Try to find the silver lining
• Learn to forgive (yourself and others)
• Share your feelings

Here is the part I REALLY wanted to focus on. I have stress... I am hurting and I feel miserable from my stress, what can I do!?

• Take a walk
• Sometimes just getting out of the house and away from everything for a minute will help clear your head. I often find if I am stressed that physical work helps me to kind of shut my brain off from all the things I am worrying about. If I am walking or working out or doing yard work I tend to zone out and focus on my task as opposed to obsessing over whatever is bothering me.
• Spend some time in nature
• Spending some time just sitting in the sun and listening to the birds or wind in the trees can be very relaxing. Sunshine provides us with much needed vitamin D and it is, in general, very good for your mental health. (There is a type of depression called S.A.D. which is Seasonal Affective Disorder. This most commonly happens during winter months when there is less sunlight and can be treated by photo-therapy and U.V. lights. Just goes to show sunshine is important!)
• Call a good/trusted friend
• Sometimes talking to someone who you love and trust, who is willing to just listen and let you vent, can make you feel worlds better. It really helps to get all that anxiety out and express it in a healthy way. 
• Go work out
• This is along the same lines as physical activity for me. I only focus on the work out. Sometimes stress or anger can fuel a very intesive work out. It's a great way to get some of that anxious energy out of your body and you will usually feel exhausted but satisfied at the end.
• Keep a journal and vent in it
• For people who don't like venting or talking to other people as much, keeping a journal can be a great way to get all of those negative emotions out. By putting them down on paper you are getting them out of your head and not keeping them bottled up. You can write whatever you want in the journal, scribble up the pages, and get all that stress and frustration out in a safe way without worrying about 'bringing someone else down'. (Even though your friends are happy to listen and support you and they love you, sometimes it's just hard to talk to people.)
• Take a long hot bath
• Aaaaaaaaaaah, So relaxing. Just don't fall asleep in the tub.
• Light scented candles or other aromatherapy
• Just having some nice smells around the house can be great. Especially when coupled with a hot bath or with your massage. For those of your who scoff at thinking just smelling something can help you feel better, there is some scientific evidence that it really does work. If you're interested The Mayo Clinic offers a brief explanation on aromatherapy and this site explains a little more how it actually works.
• Drink a hot beverage, like teas or hot chocolates. (Maybe not Coffee as it has a lot of caffeine).
• Sometimes holding something warm in your hands can make you feel safe and relaxed. And teas and hot chocolates are yummy. Just make sure you're staying away from things with high volumes of sugar and caffeine as that can have the opposite effect of what we are trying to achieve.
• Pet an animal.
• Scientific studies have shown that petting an animal significantly lowers your blood pressure and reduces stress and depression. There are lots of programs now that will take dogs, cats, and even rabbits into retirement communities and hospitals for people to pet. If you don't have a pet you can always go to your local shelter and spend some time loving on the animals there.
• Spend time on a hobby away from electronics,
• I have found (and I am probably going to get a lot of crap for this) that hobbies involving electronics, like video games, don't do a great job of alieviating stress. It has been my observation that they provide more of an escape then a stress relief as they can be very intense and mentally taxing. When I play a video game, I get very wrapped up in it and when I finish after playing for an extended period of time I feel tired and anxious. Gamers will probably deny it, and don't get me wrong, I LOVE video games, but I don't think they're the BEST source of stress relief. Especially if you like first person shooters and play online, it can be frustrating and irritating when you die over and over or can't get past a certain point in the game, etc etc. Then you wind up even more stressed out than you started with. (although there are some really cool games like Flower that can be relaxing in their own way) In today's world with everything so inundated with electronics and instant updates, try getting away from that and going back to basics. Paint, draw, garden, build models, read, write, fish, hike, bike, haiku, sudoko, jigsaw puzzle, the possibilities are nearly limitless!
• Get a massage
• I set this in bold because massages are AMAZING. I could go on and on about all the awesome benefits of getting a massage. They help your muscles relax, increase blood flow, release stored toxins so your body can flush them, and all kinds of other wholesome goodness. They're awesome. Get one. And drink lots and lots of water when you're done.
• Learn or practice meditation or yoga 
• Meditation can help you focus your mind and clear away distractions. It can be calming and can help you find your center when you are feeling frazzled or overwhelmed. Yoga is a great work out that incorporates stretching, breathing and meditation. It's pretty sweet stuff.
• Listen to some upbeat music
• Music can have a huge affect on your mood. If you are stressed or down, don't listen to heavy metal screamo music. Listen to something light and positive to help bolster your good mood and positive attitude.
• Watch a comedy movie
• Laughter is undoubtedly one of the best medicines out there. Look up a funny video on you tube, watch your favorite silly movie, talk to people who make you laugh. Laughing releases endorphins into your body and can make you feel great.
• Dare I say it... this last one... intended for mature audiences only. You'll have to highlight the text to read it. Otherwise, move along and don't be offended. ^_^
• Have an orgasm. That's right. I said it. Get frisky with your partner or your favorite toy. If you think laughing releases a lot of endorphins into your brain... it's marginal compared to what your body gets after you have an orgasm. Enough said.

In my last article I talked about setting a healthy lifestyle which included eating good whole foods, making time for exercise, reduced caffeine and sugar intake, and avoiding alcohol and drugs. It can take some work to get these habits established if you don't already do a lot of these things, but the benefits are well worth it.

So now, everyone go get a massage and feel better. (Especially you mom!) 

Seminars and Rank

It seems I keep coming back to this topic...

Last month I attended the Wilder Seminar. It was great. By now, in our region, it seems like we get mostly the same 10 to 15 people at the seminars, so to me it seems almost like a family by this point. Which is really cool! It's a much better experience then when I attended my first seminar almost two years ago as a white belt, which I posted about previously. (You can that blog post if you are interested)  I didn't mention in my review that there was a white belt there! He was new! I remember when he showed up thinking "Hey! Cool! Another white belt! Welcome to the family of those of us who know!" I made sure to go introduce myself. I was really just excited and thought it was great to see someone who is just starting their martial arts journey get to start it out on the right foot without having to wade through all the bull shit (excuse my language) that is out there.

After the seminar was over there was a discussion about seminars and rank. It was mentioned that perhaps lower ranking belts shouldn't be allowed to attend seminars, because the instructor isn't able to cover more advanced material with non-black belts present.

I wasn't really sure how I felt about this. I chewed on it for a while. Nick and I discussed it at length on our drive home in which I discovered I was actually kind of upset about the remark. I decided I am in disagreement with this opinion, and here is why:

The Black Belt ranking is completely arbitrary. I say this because there are some schools who will give you a black belt in two years and some schools in which it takes up to ten years to earn a black belt. Students may be going to classes the same amount of days a week and same amount of time in each school, but the time it takes to get to black belt is still different. Different schools and different instructors have different criteria for ranking and demand different levels of competency to progress. So... you  might have someone walk in who is a black belt who has been doing martial arts for two or three years. And you may have someone show up who is a green belt (or whatever mid rank color your system uses) who has been doing martial arts for five to seven years. There is no way you can ask the student who has been practicing for seven years to sit out while someone who has only been practicing for two years can participate because they are a black belt and it is therefore assumed that they have more knowledge, control, experience, and are more able to handle the difficult or advanced material.

In addition these attendees usually come from all across the style spectrum. At these seminars we have people from different two schools of Shotokan Karate, people from Goju Ryu Karate, people from Aikijutsu, people from TaeKwonDo backgrounds, and people with Judo backgrounds; sometimes people with backgrounds in more than one of the above. Someone from TaeKwonDo isn't going to know the same kata as someone from an Aikijutsu background, who isn't going to know any of the kata from a karate background. Even though the line between all martial arts can be blurred to the point of indistinction, not everyone is walking into the seminar with the same knowledge, EVEN if they are ALL black belts.

Now, I'll be fair and play the devil's advocate here. When I helped Nick design his rank sheets we arranged the requirements in such a way that the more dangerous and more difficult techniques were required and primarily taught to the upper ranking students. I can understand that it would be frustrating to have a white belt present and to have to try to cover the basics or things that they haven't yet learned in order to explain more in depth material, or being hesitant to work with them on more advanced techniques because you don't want them to hurt you. I DO understand and acknowledge those concerns.

However, who is to say a black belt FOR CERTAIN understands everything they are assumed to know? Maybe it's even more dangerous to NOT have any lower ranking belts present, because it is just assumed everyone in the room will know what is going on and no one wants to ask for clarification or help fear of looking stupid? I still have a tendency, because I feel that the black belt rank is arbitrary, to try to stick pretty close to working with Nick at seminars because there is a part of me that still doesn't totally trust the other black belts in the room not to hurt me either. Maybe that's pretty snide of me, but you have no way of knowing anything for certain when working with people you only see once or twice a year at a seminar. No offense seminar peoples, I love you all, but I still have trouble over coming my hang ups.

What to do, what to do? I feel that, If you really want to work on or cover techniques that are so advanced that any rank lower than a black belt should not be working on it, and you don't want to bother with explaining basics, or dealing with people who haven't studied the same style as you, then you need make a seminar that is SPECIFICALLY designed for people who practice Style X who have obtained at least rank Z or studied for Y number of years. It is not open to the general public. I'm perfectly OK with this. Awesome! More power to you! I don't really think it's being elitist even. It's just an advanced level seminar for people who practice a specific style. Cool. I fully acknowledge I am not qualified to attend your seminar and do not feel discriminated against in the slightest. (Although it might end of fostering an elitist attitude if people aren't careful, and I'm sure someone out there would be petty enough to throw a fit about not being allowed into a seminar they are not qualified to attend, but oh well.)

I do think that the Wilder and the the Abernethy type seminars are more of a general education type of seminar. Here is some REALLY cool stuff you can do with Martial Arts, we want you to take it home and incorporate it into your school and your style however you see fit. I think it's GREAT to have lower ranking students at these seminars because even if they can't utilize or haven't learned everything yet, they are getting some of the pieces to the puzzle that they can think about and plug in as they progress in their training. They are there because they are interested and they want to learn. Cool!

Let's foster that and encourage them. Try to remember what it felt like to be that rank. Did the upper belts you knew look down their nose at you? Could you pick up on the fact that they were irritated that you were there watching and learning? Were they mad that you asked questions because you couldn't understand something? Or were they excited to help you on your journey? Did they welcome questions? Did they get excited when they showed you something knew? Did they celebrate with you when you understood or grasped something for the first time or had a 'light-bulb moment'? Even if you had the former type of instructors or sempai, wouldn't you have rather had the latter?

Just some food for thought.

Aikijutsu Video

Hello.

In my last post, I mentioned Nick and I were going to make a video, and we finished it this weekend.

Not super happy about how it turned out. We didn't have a great camera to shoot with and we didn't really  have time to do a practice run so I am incredibly awkward on camera. I sound like a valley girl. I promise I'm not like that in real life. @.@

As mentioned several times it's just something for fun. It isn't meant to be a practical application video. It's more of, here are some fun techniques in Aiki and how the correspond to certain joints in the body.

I'm not a shodan yet, but Sensei Nick let me wear Hakama anyway, for fun. :D I'm only a mid rank and I've been out of class a few months so my techniques aren't that clean. I request you don't critique my technique since that isn't what this video is about.

I think that covers about everything. Without further ado: THE VIDEO!!!

*Edit, watched the video after uploading it on YouTube... I have NO idea what YouTube did to my video, but the text shouldn't bounce around like it does. Sorry about that. : /

Wilder Seminar Review II

A few weekends ago Nick and I got to attend one of Mr. Wilder's seminars. If you haven't had a chance to attend one of his seminars, you need to. This seminar presented different material from the last seminar that I attended with Mr. Wilder, which was pretty cool for Nick and I.

The first day/evening we took some time to review material from the last seminar. The closest seminars to us are hosted by Eric Parsons (who runs Karate 4 Life, which is pretty cool because it utilizes Martial Arts to help people, and all his seminars go towards fund raising, etc) in Missouri. By now, I feel like I kind of know everyone who attends the seminars and it is nice to see all the familiar faces. It feels like family. ^.^ Almost everyone there had attended Mr. Wilder's last seminar in Missouri, so it was neat to see how people have taken his teachings and incorporated them into their own practice.

There are definitely a lot of fundamentals that I need to improve on, and it doesn't help that I haven't been able to attend classes or work on Marital Arts a lot over the last several months. It's just another reminder that I need to make sure I make time for this and find a way to make a living doing what I love. But I digress.

Wilder uses structure and linear force to generate power. He talks about stacking the bones in your body and when he hits, it's really cool to watch. As I said in my last review of a Wilder Seminar, it's like Martial Arts Guru magic. It's neat stuff and it really works.

Day two delved more into the newer material. One of the first activities we did was to discover if we are a Runner, Grappler, or Striker. To do this exercise you need three people. One person stands in the middle and has one person behind them and one person in front of them. The person in the middle does something to get their heart rate up and to simulate stress. I.E. Running in place or doing fast jumping jacks. The person behind them positions them-self somewhere behind the person in the middle. The person in front watches to see when the person in the back is ready, and when the person in the middle is sufficiently stressed. They then yell "GO!" and the person in the back rushes the person in the middle. The person in the middle should then respond according to instinct. You need to do this several times (roughly 5) and see if the person in the middle runs toward, runs away, engages, or does something else, like assuming the fetal position.

After you have done this a few times you can look at your tendencies and determine if you are a Runner, Grappler, or Striker. The person behind you should mix it up a lot to make the situations different to see how you respond. Nick is grappler. I tend to be a little more situational.  If the person is very close to me, or I am caught off guard/by surprise, my first instinct is to run. If I can see them coming then I move in to engage.

So the point of all this is to practice to your nature. Wilder says that your nature is your nature, it is who you are and it isn't going to change, so you should embrace it and practice to your strengths. Particularly when you practice kata, you should practice with your tendencies in mind so you are thinking of applications that suite your instincts. Is that box block a grab and strike, grab and strike, grab and strike, or is it really more of a shihonage? Depends on if you are a striker or grappler. Work to your nature and practice accordingly.

We then talked about striking from a distance, which is more psychological than anything. Using your eye contact and your body language to control people. This is pretty cool stuff, and something I need a lot of work on. Homework: PEOPLE WATCH. Watch how people stand when they talk to each other, or when you talk to them, and them move your body to a different position and see how they react.

After lunch we covered kicking! I am particularly fond of kicking because while I don't have a tremendous amount of upper body strength, I DO have a great deal of lower body strength. We covered a few different types of kicks, including suni geri and two variations on a shomengeri kick. Wilder does a great job of explaining how to use structural/linear force and the stronger muscles in your hips to power your kicks as opposed to the rotational force we see everywhere else. I won't go into any more detail here because Wilder is really the best instructor for this.

Wilder then took the last hour of the seminar and turned us into monks. With ice cubes. It was epic.

Wilder also briefly covered something he calls the "Macta Bacalas" (and I'm probably spelling that wrong, Mr. Wilder, if you're reading this, please correct me) which is the warrior's path. I find myself really drawn to discussions and ideals of this nature regarding Martial Arts and Martial training. It's not that I idealize violence, but when Wilder talks about the difference between a warrior and a fighter, I can't help but want to be the warrior. I don't care about playing the game, or dragging the fight out, or winning for glory. I want to be the warrior that ends it, immediately. The Samurai mentality to some degree... knowing you could snap that ass hole in half like a twig, but not doing it because it's not worth it. It's very hard to articulate for me... I'll have to think more on it and post about it in the future. By the way, if you ever meet Mr. Wilder, he has some pretty amazing Samurai eyebrows when he does his Samurai face. You should ask him to show you.

ANYWAY, I of course wanted to know more about this "Macta Bacalas" but when I asked Wilder said it's something he created, which he covers in his newest book, which isn't out yet. I have since pre-ordered my copy of Dirty Ground and am hopeful that this topic will be covered in more depth.

Overall, it was another great seminar, and a good reminder that I really need to stop filling my life with distractions so I can work on what I really want... as soon as I figure out what that is. For now, I will continue with my art and once school is out I will go back to training. (Although I am very glad I took Anatomy and Kinesiology as the class was very interesting and I hope to have a video posted soon of a project Nick and I are working on inspired by the class).

Till next time, ja mata.

Long absence and life direction frustrations

Hi everyone...

I know its been forever since I posted... I've had a lot of junk going on lately in my life and I feel like I've been losing and re-orienting my direction in life a lot over the last year.

To understand where I am there are just a few things you probably need to know that will help everything make sense. I have a lot of student loan debt and a degree that I don't like. Well... I take part of that back. I do have a tremendous amount of student loan debt. Around 120k. And I have a BFA in Graphic Design and Interactive Media. Which is cool... except I don't want to work in that industry. I LOVE doing art... and I'm fairly good at it, but I like doing it on MY terms. I don't like clients dictating how the design needs to look, and I certainly don't want to work in advertising and convince people to buy things they don't need with money they don't have. I've probably mentioned all of this somewhere before in previous posts, so if I am repeating myself, I apologize.

What I have been struggling with over the last year or so is what to do next. Where do I go from here? I have been working several different very low end jobs to try to pay down my student loan debt, but I am not even close to making ends meat. Art is NOT a good profession to have in this kind of industry, and it is difficult to get other well paying work with an Art degree. Last year I made $8,000. My student loan payments are $1100 a month. You can do the math.

So I figured I probably ought to get back to school and get myself a degree that pays better and is in an industry I enjoy more. Because if you do what you love you'll never actually work a day in your life. I just... have no idea what I WANT to do. I keep feeling stuck.

For a while I thought personal trainer. Then I wasn't so sure about that. I am MovNat certified, but in Oklahoma, that is worth SHIT because it seems like everyone here is overweight and no one cares about their health enough to do anything about it. I have offered several seminars and I have never had one person call or show up. So that went out the window.

Then I got a job in a administrative type setting. I was working as a Customer Service Rep for a while. Which is a fancy way of saying secretary. But all three jobs I worked as a CSR over the last year were HORRIBLE and ended badly. Terrible bosses seem to be everywhere these days and it seems like people are being abused and mistreated in all levels of businesses these days. So... even though I've been trying to keep a steady job to work on paying my loans down, I seem to keep winding up places where the working conditions and the management are so bad I end up quitting because I refuse to put up with the terrible working conditions.

So I did some research and talked to a few people and decided maybe PTA would be a good fit. It's just an associates degree, they make decent starting pay, around 35k to 40k in Colorado, (which I am planning on moving back [home] soon.) So that would be good. So I took a few classes to see if I like the material and looked into prospective colleges and got my shadowing in line and everything. I took a Kinesiology class, which I absolutely love. I was thinking PTA would get to do a lot of things similar to the material we were covering in class, but incidentally, they don't get to do any of it.

So... now what?!

I keep thinking and thinking "what do I want to do with my life" and I keep coming back to running a school with Nick. That is what I want to do. So... instead of trying to find something to do to make money doing so I can do what I want, I need to figure out how to make Nick's school successful so I don't have to have a day job. I want my job to be the work that I love.

Nick and I have talked a lot about diversifying the school a little bit so that we can make the best use of the space. We would like to offer fairly comprehensive services to our students. We don't want our dojo to be open only a few hours a week in the evenings. Ultimately I think we want to offer self defense classes in the form of Applied Karate and Aikijutsu. We want to encourage our students to read works by Wilder, Miller, MacYoung, and others. We want to offer personal training and encourage good health and fitness practices in our students. (I will be honest, it is a huge pet peeve of mine to see Black Belts who are seriously overweight...) We want to offer nutrition classes on occasion and nutrition coaching if students want it. I think this would be great to have these resources available to students all in one place. I feel like so many schools never go into anything other than, let's kick and punch and go to tournament. People come to study martial arts for a variety of reasons, so why not try to help aid and encourage the diversity of those reasons and give students the resources they might want or need right there at the school?

I have read some stories of schools trying to diversify and that didn't work out for them AT ALL. One story was of a school that had a tea room and a pro shop attached and was about to go under till they got rid of both of those and made them classroom spaces and now the school does incredibly well. On the flip side there is a Krav Maga school in Denver that has two classrooms and a work out space and they do very well.  This is more along the lines of what I am wanting.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch... while I have been trying to figure out 'what to do till we get the school going' and working, it just keeps taking more and more and more time away from me doing what I really love and what I really want to do: MARTIAL ARTS. Because school class times conflicted with dojo class times, (and I desperately wanted to take the Kinesiology class, which I am very glad I did) I haven't been able to attend any Martial Arts classes since December. And I won't be able to go back to classes till May. ARGH! It's killing me! I HATE not going to class. It's such a huge set back.

So what is the point of having a day job that I'm not making any money at any way, and that keeps me from getting closer to doing what I want to do? It all seems so backwards and frustrating. So I feel like I need to re-organize and re-prioritize my goals.

I DO want to go back to school, but I want to go back for a degree that is going to be the most useful to running a martial arts school and fitness facility. Through shadowing and taking a few classes this semester I think the things I want to do in addition to helping Nick manage the school and occasionally teach classes would be more on the fitness side and the mobility assessments and range of motion tests and such. There are a few different degrees that I am looking at, which would be a B.S. with a major in Athletic Training (which would be a lot of injury assessment and detailed bone and muscle knowledge), or a B.S. with a major in Health and Human Performance with a minor in Nutrition. (Which is exercise science and coaching and nutrition) either degree would be completed with intent to go on and eventually look at getting a Masters in Kinesiology.



The really frustrating part is that because I left Colorado, I no longer have residency there, and since that is where I will be returning to, I will be going to school there, and I don't think I can afford out of state tuition. ARGH. I feel like for every one step I take forward it is two steps back. >.< It's so frustrating. I just feel very stressed out about the whole thing. I know what I want... (I think...) I'm just not sure how I'm going to make it happen just yet...

Grr.

I'm not a wimp complex

The "I'm Not a Wimp" complex:

I gotta be tough.
I can't be seen as weak.
I don't want them to think I'm weak.
I'm not weak.
I don't want them to think less of me.
No pain, no gain.
I can push through this.
I'm not a wimp.
I'm not a wuss.
I'm a pansy.
ETC.  


All thoughts that I have either had, or felt myself thinking in response to a vocal or perceived attitude from someone I've been working out with or someone I train with.



Here's the point: It is OK to give yourself a day off, to give yourself permission to sit out, to heal, to recover, to NOT injury yourself or to FULLY RECOVER from an injury you DO receive.

Very, VERY often I forget this. I tend to push myself very hard, sometimes because I feel like I have something to prove, sometimes because I don't want to be thought of as weak, and sometimes just because I like to jump in with both feet and give it all I've got.

This is my reminder to myself that it's in my head, and no one thinks I'm weak if I have to take time out to heal. If I take care of myself, then I can continue to practice Martial Arts and Exercise for the rest of my life. And if they do, then they either don't know or they're a jack ass.

I would encourage you to do the same. Give yourself time to recover. Take a day off. See a a Doctor, a Massage Therapist or a Chiropractor or all of the above if you have injuries. Don't let people talk you into more than you can do. More importantly, don't let yourself talk you into more than you can do.

I am notoriously bad at jumping back in before I should, or overdoing it when I'm already sore. Which is why I keep having shoulder problems. If you don't allow yourself to heal COMPLETELY before returning to your activities, the injury will just keep coming up and you will be in pain perpetually and begin to do very serious and irreversible damage.

Anyway, I just have to remind myself sometimes to slow down and take care of my body. If I forget, or feel like I can't because I have to maintain a "tough girl" image, then other's might need a reminder as well. And if anyone gives you shit for it, you tell them I said to bugger off.

Samurai Girl says:
Take care of your body! You are NOT weak, you are NOT a wimp, you are NOT a pansy. You are a self respecting individual with enough strength to do what is needed for the long term. It takes more courage to step down then it does to keep going when you can seriously mess your body up for life.

Yamamoto Seminar Review

Last weekend I attended the Yamamoto seminar in Columbia Missouri. Sensei Nick is (sadly) in the middle of the ocean, so it was just myself and another student from the dojo for this one.

This seminar was a bit different than previous seminars I have attended, but I really enjoyed it. Mr. Yamamoto studies Karate AND Aikido, so there was a distinct Aiki flavor to the weekend, which I thoroughly enjoyed. I have much more experience with Aiki than I do with Karate, so it was refreshing to be in familiar territory for once. There were some Karate applications and Kata bunkai discussion, which was similar to what I learned at the Wilder seminar. A very distinct similarity was going over how to stand and position yourself to be relaxed, yet rooted for powerful striking.

I later learned that Mr. Wilder and Mr. Yamamoto had the same Sensei. Ah. So that's where they got it.

The first day we covered how to stand (not quite as in depth as in the Wilder seminar) and how to be immovable through relaxation (which was not covered in the Wilder seminar). Also covered was how to be deceptive through relaxation and some of the defensive condition techniques. The Wedge, Dracula's Cape, and Answering the Phone. Or as Mr. Yamamoto says "Combing the Hair." We covered, not quite as in depth as the Wilder seminar, striking with power and remaining relaxed to do so. We also covered not crossing the road twice, so when you move, you move in one direction, with purpose.

One highlight of the seminar for me was getting to do some relaxed cuts with the bokken. I've always been TOLD that Aiki stems from sword practice, but I've never understood HOW. After doing some cuts and Mr. Yamamoto demonstrating to the class how some of the movements in both Karate and Aiki relate to, or are even taken directly from, sword movements, it makes much more sense now. It makes me want to do more sword training for sure.

Yamamoto focused more on internal versus external effects, which break down like this

• Interntal (Things YOU control)
• Structure
• Relaxed and Confident
• Hide Your Technique
• Move Your Hand First
• External (Things to do to HIM)
• Break His Structure
• Kill His Center
• Cheat
• Cut Through Him (like a sword!)

I can't give all the goodies away. You need to attend one of his seminars to get all the details, but you get the idea with that outline.

The second day Tina and I were late, due to some difficulty checking out at the hotel that morning. >: / So we missed maybe the firs 45 minutes or so of that day, but what we covered was mostly application of what we learned on day one. We practiced several Aiki type techniques and Aiki-minded applications to the Karate kata. Which would be like, this move from this Karate kata, but it is done in a relaxed way so as to be deceptive. It's just a different approach, not better or worse, just different.

Aiki tends to be my happy place, so I was really excited to learn some Aiki applications to Karate kata. It's not that I don't like Karate, I DO. Aikido/Aikijutsu just seems to have it's own unique methods. It's different from almost any other martial art... Not that all martail arts are the same, except they kind of are, but that's another can of worms. Even Judo "the gentle way" looks NOTHING like Aiki.

All that aside, I actually got to talk Martial Arts with Mr. Yamamoto after the seminar on the first day. If you get a chance to go the hang outs after the seminars that Eric Parsons hosts, they are well worth it, by the way. It was a great chance to discuss some of the difficulties I've been having with Aiki and get some outside perspective. We discussed muscle vs. finess on a technique and also how height/weight/body type plays a role in martial arts, etc. It was really spectacular to get some one on one time to really discuss some of my thoughts and difficulties with the Martial Arts with someone who has a similar background to what I am striving for. (Aiki and Karate)


Last but not least, I wanted to follow up a bit on the last post I wrote following a seminar review about attitude. I have to say the attitude at this seminar was better than any seminar I've been to. Everyone was friendly and talkative and outgoing. I didn't get the weird vibe like I've had before at all! I made a point to try to get around and talk to people and get names. I met several great gentlemen including Mark, Tony, Ed, Brian, Ryan and others. I am terrible with names, but those are the ones I remember. I worked with different people and had a great experience. I hope every seminar I attend goes just like this!

Watching MMA

As mentioned in previous blog posts, I more or less live under a rock. I tend to be pretty detached from main stream anything. I don't own a T.V. that plays channels, I don't read the newspaper or watch the news, etc. I pretty much live in a bubble. I know this isn't really a good thing, but it's where I'm at right now, so it is what it is.

I went over to my mom's house a while back and she wanted to show me some MMA fights since I had never seen any. Yep. I've been practicing Martial Arts for several years now and I've never watched a boxing match or MMA match at all. My mom and step dad are pretty supportive of my Martial Arts goals and they link me all kinds of stuff, keep an eye out for articles, etc. and my mom is actually (and surprisingly) really big into MMA. She knows a lot of the fighters names and styles etc.

Well, my mom was telling me about some of the MMA fighters and how the Brazillian JuJutsu guys were pretty hard core, especially when they 'ground and pound'. She was also trying to explain how good this one guy was and how he just toyed with his opponents. I THINK it was Anderson Silva, but it's 11pm and too late to call my mom and double check. 

ANYWAY, so my mom pulled up the episodes she had recorded and was having me watch some. I got to thinking, as my mom was getting all excited and yelling at the T.V. and I was watching through my fingers over my eyes...

"Isn't this just a little bit fucked up?"

Pardon my language. But seriously: what is so wonderful and exciting about watching two guys get into the octagon and beat each other till they are bloody and broken? I mean... if you REALLY think about... that's kind of messed up. They beat the other guy till he gives up or can't continue anymore, and they stand up covered in blood with huge bruises already forming, black eyes, and the crowd goes totally wild. Woah.

And we've been doing it pretty much since the beginning of recorded history. 

We have rules to protect our fighters now, but gladiators competed in the Colosseum and fought to the death. Think about it... Two or more people got up in front of a crowd of thousands of cheering people and fought each other until all but one of them DIED. For ENTERTAINMENT.

All I can think is "Why?"

I'm about to open a huge can of worms with this, but I'm going to do it anyway and I'll try to be brief:

Violence is part of human nature. We can't escape it. It's part of who we are. 

I'm not saying we're not capable of mercy and compassion and love, but I don't think it's our first instinct or our natural tendency. When we don't understand something or we're afraid, humans generally react with violence. "What is that?" "I don't know.." "Kill it!"

In a perfect world, we wouldn't have things like Martial Arts, because everything would be love and rainbows and sunshine. No one would hurt each other or hate each other and things like rape and murder and theft wouldn't happen. But we don't live in that kind of world, so it's a moot point. Sorry hippies, you can't escape your programming no matter how much you try and you can't change anyone else either.

I would wager that, for whatever reason (religion/original sin, evolution, instinct, etc.) violence is in our nature. We can't escape it. During the time when there was no law and we had to defend ourselves, or abide by laws such as Hammurabi's code "an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth" being violent kept us alive, fed and our families safe. 

In today's 1st world countries, there is no need for that type of violence. We have police officers and a legal system to take care of the bad guys for us. So how do we get these primal urges out? Watching MMA, boxing, and wrestling, and if we can't satisfy our need for violence though those channels, or feel that the justice system fails us (bullies in school for example and teachers/principles who won't do anything) we have cases of monkey dances in bars, road rage, school shootings, etc.

I would almost argue that sport fights, or in the past, sport killings, are/were necessary to appease our darker sides and keep a greater peace. It keeps the real beast lurking inside content, keeping the rage and our violent natures at bay. 

The caveat being, real violence rocks us to our core. It touches and twists us in ways we cannot understand until we have experienced it first hand. Soldiers coming back from war, rape victims, people who have suffered gang beatings, people in the law enforcement industry. I have read stories about and talked to some people who have experienced real violence, and having to actually hurt someone, having to kill someone, being violated by someone, these are things that are utterly shattering to a person. They can take years to come to terms with and to get over. Some people never get over it.

If going through these things is so devastating to our psyche, then why do we crave violence and often react with violence first? Why is violence is such an integral part of our nature if it is so damaging to us?

Finding the answers will involve a great deal of research looking through piles and piles of information regarding history, culture, violence, psychology and philosophy. Even then I'm not sure there is one single right answer. I think most of Miller's work is going to be a good place to start, and following his sources. Reading work by other experts on the topic will help, so I will probably read some of Marc MacYoung's work as well. 

Still.... it's a big question... probably one with many answers.  

What's in your Supplement?

I recently went to GNC to get a small Blender Bottle for my mom for mother's day. (Which, if you haven't heard of these things, they're freaking amazing. Get one! They work for all kinds of stuff!) I can find the large/regular sized ones everywhere, but I have only found the mini ones at a few stores in my area. Anyway, She really likes Spark, and I wanted to get her something easier to mix it in then just a glass with a spoon. The mini size blender bottles work perfectly.

Anyway, the very nice guys at the store asked us what we wanted our blender bottle for and my mom said "Spark! I really love it!" Well, of course since Spark is through AdvoCare and not commercially available, they gave of some samples of things that they thought we would like better that we could buy at their store. Of course.

I got them home and put the samples in the pantry thinking I may get around to trying them eventually.

I work out at a CrossFit gym, I'm studying to be a personal trainer, and I do try to eat pretty clean. I will be the first to admit I don't eat anywhere near as much as I should, but at least I don't eat junk. Yesterday was a particularly challenging work out for me. I absolutely hate trying to get through a work out and lagging behind because my body just decides its physically done. I feel slow, I can't make myself keep going. Its AWFUL. I'm a bit of a perfectionist so to me it feels like failure, which is very difficult for me to deal with.

So, feeling incredibly tired, exhausted, pissed off, and miserable after my work out yesterday I decided maybe it was time to bust out some of those "EXPLOSIVE PRE-WORKOUT SUPPLEMENT" samples. I had three different ones to choose from, so I looked them over. Then I got to REALLY looking them over and looking at the labels. That stopped me dead in my tracks. Has anyone seen the warnings on these things???

This one didn't scan so well, so it's hard to see. But basically most of these warnings are close to the same across the board. Don't use if you're under 18, don't use if you have a huge list of health conditions, don't use for more than 8 weeks, don't take any any other sources of caffeine or stimulants if you are taking these, discontinue use if you feel experience rapid heartbeat, dizziness, severe headache, shortness of breath, etc. If you're an athlete you need to consult the governing body of any  professional sports organizations because some of them have banned the substances in these supplements. 

Maybe I'm just paranoid, but that scares me a little bit. Why would I take something that could make me that sick or that has been banned by professional sports organizations, even on an amateur level? It probably works great... but is it worth it, dumping all that stuff into your body? Kinda turns me off.... 

No Thanks! I'll pass on the chemical cocktail. ¬.¬ Just for shits and giggles, lets take a look at what is in an AdvoCare Spark. (Which isn't necessarily designed to do the same thing, but since these are what the GNC guys gave me to try in lieu of Spark... why not compare?)

Hmm. If you're pregnant or nursing, check with a doctor (Which everything under the sun says that) and if you're sensitive to caffeine. 

As far as the caffeine, I've never drank a pop in my life, I don't drink coffee, I pretty much never consume caffeine. I have tea once in a blue moon, which is usually like 20mg of caffeine. I can drink these and be fine. If I eat too much dark chocolate (which is very high in caffeine) I get a massive debilitating migraine. By too much I mean something about the size of a Hershey bar. So I would say I probably qualify for caffeine sensitive. Other people who have similar issues have not had a problem with spark, or to be cautious they only drink half a Spark and are fine. Plus, AdvoCare products are all Informed Decision certified, which means there are absolutely NO BANNED SUBSTANCES in them.

If you work out and like to add a little zing to your routine or are looking to do so, I would caution you to please check the labels and consider carefully before you just start taking something, or check with your doctor of course.

I'm not a chemist or a pharmacist, so I don't know everything. But I know something with that kind of  a warning label definitely causes me to pause. Obviously every person is different and everyone has to find what works best for them. What do you find works for you or what, if anything, do you like to eat or use before a work out or cardio activity? 

Commercialization Rant

Today, Nick got his copy of MASUCCESS in the mail.

Nick gets these magazines in the mail from time to time, usually flips through them, and then they disappear. [I now assume they wind up in the trash] I ended up reading through this month's issue.

My reaction: WTF!?

Does most of the martial arts community subscribe to this?!? I can honestly say I would never recommend this magazine to anyone or any dojo. EVER.

How could I have been so sheltered!? I mean, I usually joke around and tell people that they may as well assume I live under a rock, because I'm never up to speed on things. But seriously!? I waved the magazine around in Nick's face and threw it down and stomped on it and demanded to know if this was the kind of crap that most dojos are subscribing to. Places like the place I studied Kempo at. Nick nodded. He said sometimes they have good articles, but for the most part it's all the same stuff like what you just read.

I flipped out.

The other day when I posted that I was fortunate enough to have found someone to help me bypass all the bull shit, I didn't realize what I was saying. I had no idea how much bull shit I was by-passing. I had some experience with bad kata applications and dojos that don't focus on proper form and balance and mechanics and all that, but it was a pretty brief stint all in all, maybe 6-9 months across all of them. Now I feel like I have some understanding as to why I felt so dissatisfied.

Has most of the Martial Arts world sold out!? When did everything become so commercialized? It's all MMA, and Belt Promotion 'shows' and ceremonies, and... and... the whole thing was full of bad articles and bad technique. It's ALL COMMERCIAL! There were more pictures of money in the issue than of people. (I'm not saying MMA is a bad thing, but I don't think MMA is what Martial Arts is REALLY about.)

Here are some gems from this month's issue:

Some dude who runs some schools over on the east coast, I'm sure his belt is the one Charles James posted an article about some time back. It's so torn up it hardly looks like it could even be a belt anymore. That's so unbelievably disrespectful. His quote "In our schools is a professional atmosphere with a professional instructor, not one-touch death and fake stuff. It's real and in your face – the way it was meant to be!"

Um... pretty sure the old masters didn't subscribe to the idea of MMA, and I'm willing to bet if someone like Abernethy or Wilder grabbed you by the throat and threw you down, as per the master's version of karate WAS MEANT TO BE, it'd be pretty close to one touch death for you buddy.

Another article details how to make a belt promotion into a great show! Have your students bring friends and family because the focus is not on the student, it's on the potential students. And "how to have a dress rehearsal", so that you can "put on a great show!" Not even joking. That was what they said, WORD FOR WORD. I wish I was making this up.

Another article was an interview with the man who perfected Heroic Musical Kata.  WHAT!?!? Musical Kata??? To quote Bunkai Jutsu, "The primary purpose of kata is to enable us to inflict pain upon our aggressors in response to unprovoked acts of violence." I feel like quoting the whole book! Musical Kata... JEEZ. It's reasons like this that tournaments are being won with back flips and other flashy but utterly useless techniques. This guy needs to be beaten with a copy of Bunkai Jutsu, I am tempted to ask Abernethy if he has a hard back copy somewhere that I could borrow just for this purpose.

10 books every Martial Artist should read...
Tao of Jeet Kune Do
Book of Five Rings
The Art of War
Zen in the Martial Arts
Way of the Peaceful Warrior
The Original Martial Arts Encyclopedia: A Century of Traditions, History and Pioneers
Living the Martial Way
The Essence of Karate (OMG! Gichin Funakoshi made it on the list... as number 8!?)
The Killing Art: The Untold History of Tae Kwon Do
No Holds Barred: The Complete History of Mixed Martial Arts in America

I think some of those might actually be worth reading... but there are some books I would very much liked to have seen on the list instead. I will be checking some of them out so I can form my own opinions, but I'm not holding my breath.

Finally, one of the last articles in the magazine. A 7 time champion performing Osoto Gari (major outer reap) and showing readers how to do it. Honestly, I'm not even a green belt in Aikijutsu yet, (8th kyu I think... White belt two stripes) and I know how to do a better Osoto Gari then what was pictured. Would I want to fight this guy? No. But STILL. HIS TECHNIQUE HAS GOT SOME MAJOR FLAWS IN IT!!! AAAAAAARGH!!!!! Drop your weight don't bend over!!!! You will get pulled to the ground and you don't ever want to be on the ground! DUH!


*weep*

In all seriousness it really saddens me that such an attitude of money making and commercialization has swept across what seems to be the majority of the Martial Arts community. The true meaning of what it is to be a karateka, the real techniques, the fact that Martial Arts is self defense and not a sport... don't even get me started on all the articles listed about how to pump more money from your students. Yes, I do understand these places are running a business, and in a perfect world, this wouldn't be a problem. But really, I can't help but feel a little sick at how much of this magazine was focused on increasing profits.

This is precisely why I quite my job at a corporate design firm and refuse to get a job with an advertising agency. I will not subscribe to the idea of convincing people to buy things they don't really need with money they don't really have. I still work as a designer, but on my own terms. I will not do the same thing with my business, Nick and I are adamant, we do not want to fleece our students. Now, for a healthy dose of reality: Are these people rolling in money? Probably so. Am I living paycheck to paycheck with no extra income at all? Yep. Due to those conditions do I fully understand the gravity of that statement and following my moral compass? I'd say probably so. Will I waiver from that decision? Nope. It's not all about money people. Don't get me wrong, Nick and I would love to have a successful school full of students, but we would rather treat our students with respect and give them as close as we can get to what the master's meant karate to be at a good, legitimate price as opposed to rising the prices to make more of a profit and pulling the wool over their eyes by teaching sloppy ineffective technique for fast promotions and using elaborate belt ceremonies as a distraction.


Nick is always telling me to be constructive with my criticism, to write things in such a way as to offer suggestions, to not just complain, but to work to find solutions as well. Normally I agree, but this time I don't know what the answer is. I only know that I feel pretty sorry for all the McDojo's out there and even sorrier for their students. This Quote sums up how I feel. Honestly people, this time, I got nothing. : /