The 4th Precept

I've been thinking a lot about this week's precept, which is "Think lightly of yourself and deeply of the world."

Some of the questions the Musashi Field Manual asked this week have also been nagging at me. Questions like "What inconsequential comparisons am I allowing my thoughts to be clouded by?" "What power do these thoughts take from me?" "Are my opinions part of the problem?" "Seeking praise is hard work, and the reward is short lived. Where in life do I seek praise?" All these questions are weighing heavy on me.

I consider myself a fairly private person and try to keep my social media light and happy. No airing dirty laundry, no 'vague-booking', and so on. I don't always succeed, but I try. However, in an attempt to be vulnerable and to let go of some of these useless insecurities, I have some confessions to make. Here goes:

I think that I seek a lot of external validation to make up for a lack of internal self confidence. I don't like being in the lime-light because I'm worried I will be a disappointment, but at the same time I secretly want to excel and crave approval.

I am terrified of being made to look stupid in front of people. What I mean is, if I am having a conversation with someone I look up to and respect, and they ask me a question, unless I know with absolute certainty I know the answer, I'll try to deflect and say I don't know. And even when I do know the answer, often I will second guess myself and simply say "I'm not sure". Either way I always feel embarrassed and feel like I should have answered differently or I should have known the answer or been more confident.

Further, I constantly worry about saying the right things when I'm with people who I respect and admire. I worry that everything I say sounds stupid or lame. I recently got a discord account and have been using it to get guidance from some people I back on Patreon. After I finished my most recent work, I asked if they minded when people colored their line art, like I had just done. That was days ago and I've gotten no response. I know they've been online because they've commented in other threads. I've been plagued by thoughts of "How stupid and pathetic, you sound like a crazy, dim-witted fan-girl, of course they haven't answered, why would they even dignify such a stupid question with an answer." Even as I'm typing this up, I am debating whether I will post this or not, because "No one gives a shit and you're just making yourself look like a lame-ass complainer."

I just recently accepted a position as a PTA. (yay me) But instead of being excited, I'm nervous and anxious about my first day next week. I'm afraid I'm going to be "found out" and that I don't actually know anything and that I'll be incapable of doing the job.

I've heard these types of feelings/behavior patterns described as "High Functioning Anxiety" or "Impostor Syndrome". I bear them as my secret shame while trying to present myself as cool and collected to the outside world. My husband is one of the few people who knows the deep dark truth about how horribly out of control my self doubt and anxiety can spiral.

Here's the thing. I KNOW I'm not stupid. I know that I'm intelligent and accomplished. I have multiple degrees and a host of continuing education certifications. I'm eloquently spoken (most of the time). I work hard. I'm always striving to learn more or deepen my understanding on various topics. I posses a decent amount of common sense to boot. So why do I constantly feel bogged down with the weight of always feeling shitty about myself or stressing over whether or not someone perceives me as unintelligent or unskilled? I have some friends out there who will say it is because I haven't decided to truly accept or love myself, or I haven't acknowledged my inner goddess and divine light. Maybe that's true?

I think this is where a lot of the questions that Kris Wilder presented with this precept start to make sense.

Constant comparisons to others and worries about how I am perceived, these things are not things I can control. Everyone is on a different path and a different journey. Comparing myself to them doesn't really do any good. They're in a different place than I am, thinking thoughts unknown to me, and they've had different experiences along the way. I cannot control what they think of me. I can only control myself and my responses to the world around me. Thoughts and anxieties only detract from I could be doing. In essence, they are robbing me of power, productivity, even my very happiness. My opinion that what others think of me is important keeps me tethered to these negative thoughts.

Ultimately, in the grand scheme of things, I'm not that important. I'm 1 human among 7,500,000,000. My number one responsibility is to be a good human. To live my best life, to be honest and compassionate, to try to help people where I can, to take care of the earth. In addition, Musashi's first precept is to "Accept everything just the way it is." Not only does questioning my value and my ability get me no-where, it also creates dissonance within myself. As I said, I know I am a smart, capable woman. Why fight that? Why be so afraid someone will not see me that way? Why tell myself a different story than the truth?

Breaking free from society's programming can be difficulty, and it's something I'm still working very hard at. Things that happened in my past don't have to define how I view myself in the present. I'm not a victim. I'm not the little kid who got picked on and bullied and ostracized. I've grown up into a bad ass warrior maiden who knows how to work hard and has a learned a ton of shit about a lot of different subjects. Anatomy, Physical Therapy, Fitness, Graphic Design, Art, all kinds of stuff.

Think lightly of yourself and deeply of the world.

What I'm coming to realize this week is that this means I need to rest easy and be confident in the truth of who I am. I shouldn't be wasting energy feeling anxious about how people may perceive me. Those are heavy thoughts and they weigh me down and make me feel like shit. The truth is that I am an intelligent, thoughtful, creative, strong, capable, loving human. I don't have to spend time and energy thinking deeply about my truth, those thoughts don't weigh anything! If anything, they're like anti-gravity thoughts they're so light. What I should be thinking deeply about is how I can impact the world. How can I make a difference in someone's life? How can I change the world for the better, even if it's just for one person? How can I use my skills and talents to help lift someone else up and make their world a better place?

It's not easy stuff, trying undo 30 years of negative self-talk and bad programming. Nothing worth doing is ever easy; but that's what makes it worth the effort. 

5 Year Plan

Today I was asked what my 5 year plan was.

I responded like a deer in the headlights.

Which felt pretty miserable. I know the things I want to do and become, but I wasn't sure how to articulate them. And of course when I was asked my answer mattered.

I spent the rest of the day thinking... What IS my 5 year plan? What DO I really want to do? What do I want my life to look like in 5 years?

Initially the things that came to mind are "I want to have learned more, I want to be more capable physically and mentally, and I want to have a vast wealth of knowledge and understanding when it comes to the human body."

Really, the answers need to be more substantial than that. Over the last few months, Nick and I have been talking about my strengths, my weaknesses, how to grow my massage business, among other things. We've come to realize one very critical thing about me. I'm an excellent facilitator. I am really great at helping other people achieve their dreams, but I tend to stumble when it comes to spending time on my own things.

I've given that some more thought... is that really such a bad thing? Maybe I should embrace the fact that that is what I'm good at. Maybe that is my dream, I just haven't realized it yet?

I've gotten to where I don't enjoy working for other people primarily because I've had terrible managers the last several jobs, and I like my job to have a lot of flexibility with my schedule. When I think about why I wouldn't want to work for someone else, it is 90% percent because I don't want another crapy manager, and 10% because I want a more flexible schedule, or I want to have an easier time scheduling time off, which I ask for very rarely to begin with. I think I'm usually excellent at scheduling things around work. The truth is, I function much better with a set schedule. I just don't like to admit it.

I will bust my ass for a manager who cares about me. I will work 12 hours a day, 7 days a week when needed, if I know that later on down the road when I go to my manager and say "Hey, I want to take a weekend off next month to do an obstacle run." and the manager helps me work it out, that's awesome. I will walk through hot coals and go to the ends of the earth for a manager or co-workers who really care about and work to support each other like that.

So what if I found a job that could be like that? Would I still want to be self employed, or would I want to go back to working for someone else again? I could easily see myself in more of a management type roll for another business. A manager who leads by example and jumps in and helps their employees vs. a boss who sits back and demands a commands, to be specific. I could see myself doing it, and being very happy if I had great leaders above me.

It's definitely given me things to think about recently.

Back to the 5 year plan. If I had full 100% control over where I am in 5 years, what would that look like?

The Snapshot I saw in my head when asked "What is you 5 year plan?" was this:

• I will be working for Dan & Ryan at Axistence Athletics as both a trainer and an unofficial physical therapist. I will teach group classes, teach stretch and mobility classes, and assist in running the business in any other way needed.
• I will be working for Nick at his Martial Arts school in the same capacity as I am working for Axistence Athletics, teaching group classes, teaching mobility classes, and assist in running the business in any other way needed.
• Partner my business with Axistence and Nick's school to offer one on one massage therapy/physical therapy type sessions to really help people become pain free and live the awesome adventures they want. *(Whether this looks like contract work through my business, or whether the businesses decide to just hire me on and offer that service through their business, however that works out best for all parties involved)
• Nick and I will be Debt Free! 
• I will have a completed at least one comic book or novel.

In a nutshell... that's what I'm aiming for. Those are my professional/work life goals.

Yes, that's like... 3 jobs. But... if you love what you're doing it's not really work. And that's honestly where I see myself. And happily. Axistence Instructor by day, Martial Arts Instructor by night, Artist in my down time.

To make my 5 year plan come true, there is going to be a lot of work involved. There will be lots of steps to make that happen, including getting lots more certifications (Personal Training, CrossFit Level 1, CrossFit Gymnastics, Gymnastic Bodies, etc), finishing getting my black belts in Aiki and Karate, and of course using my free time to actually make art instead of surf Facebook as I tend to do... ¬.¬

The cool thing is, I WANT to learn. I want to do ALL that hard work so I can know ALL THE THINGS.

There is a saying, If you ever find that you are the smartest person in the room, it's time to find another room. Well, I'm not sure I've ever been the smartest person in the room, but I definitely feel like I am finding new rooms with lots of very, VERY smart people in them. I want to learn all they have to offer so I can really learn and know the human body inside and out, how it works, what it's capable of, and how to fix it when it gets stuck or 'broken'.

I feel good about all this. I feel like I'm headed in the right direction. I need to sit down and prioritize and map all these things out, but for now I feel good to have gotten them written down. I read or heard somewhere that writing your goals down makes it more likely they will be accomplished. So here it is. Just don't ask me about my 10 year plan... I think my head would probably explode.

All the best!

Samurai Girl

Seminars and Rank

It seems I keep coming back to this topic...

Last month I attended the Wilder Seminar. It was great. By now, in our region, it seems like we get mostly the same 10 to 15 people at the seminars, so to me it seems almost like a family by this point. Which is really cool! It's a much better experience then when I attended my first seminar almost two years ago as a white belt, which I posted about previously. (You can that blog post if you are interested)  I didn't mention in my review that there was a white belt there! He was new! I remember when he showed up thinking "Hey! Cool! Another white belt! Welcome to the family of those of us who know!" I made sure to go introduce myself. I was really just excited and thought it was great to see someone who is just starting their martial arts journey get to start it out on the right foot without having to wade through all the bull shit (excuse my language) that is out there.

After the seminar was over there was a discussion about seminars and rank. It was mentioned that perhaps lower ranking belts shouldn't be allowed to attend seminars, because the instructor isn't able to cover more advanced material with non-black belts present.

I wasn't really sure how I felt about this. I chewed on it for a while. Nick and I discussed it at length on our drive home in which I discovered I was actually kind of upset about the remark. I decided I am in disagreement with this opinion, and here is why:

The Black Belt ranking is completely arbitrary. I say this because there are some schools who will give you a black belt in two years and some schools in which it takes up to ten years to earn a black belt. Students may be going to classes the same amount of days a week and same amount of time in each school, but the time it takes to get to black belt is still different. Different schools and different instructors have different criteria for ranking and demand different levels of competency to progress. So... you  might have someone walk in who is a black belt who has been doing martial arts for two or three years. And you may have someone show up who is a green belt (or whatever mid rank color your system uses) who has been doing martial arts for five to seven years. There is no way you can ask the student who has been practicing for seven years to sit out while someone who has only been practicing for two years can participate because they are a black belt and it is therefore assumed that they have more knowledge, control, experience, and are more able to handle the difficult or advanced material.

In addition these attendees usually come from all across the style spectrum. At these seminars we have people from different two schools of Shotokan Karate, people from Goju Ryu Karate, people from Aikijutsu, people from TaeKwonDo backgrounds, and people with Judo backgrounds; sometimes people with backgrounds in more than one of the above. Someone from TaeKwonDo isn't going to know the same kata as someone from an Aikijutsu background, who isn't going to know any of the kata from a karate background. Even though the line between all martial arts can be blurred to the point of indistinction, not everyone is walking into the seminar with the same knowledge, EVEN if they are ALL black belts.

Now, I'll be fair and play the devil's advocate here. When I helped Nick design his rank sheets we arranged the requirements in such a way that the more dangerous and more difficult techniques were required and primarily taught to the upper ranking students. I can understand that it would be frustrating to have a white belt present and to have to try to cover the basics or things that they haven't yet learned in order to explain more in depth material, or being hesitant to work with them on more advanced techniques because you don't want them to hurt you. I DO understand and acknowledge those concerns.

However, who is to say a black belt FOR CERTAIN understands everything they are assumed to know? Maybe it's even more dangerous to NOT have any lower ranking belts present, because it is just assumed everyone in the room will know what is going on and no one wants to ask for clarification or help fear of looking stupid? I still have a tendency, because I feel that the black belt rank is arbitrary, to try to stick pretty close to working with Nick at seminars because there is a part of me that still doesn't totally trust the other black belts in the room not to hurt me either. Maybe that's pretty snide of me, but you have no way of knowing anything for certain when working with people you only see once or twice a year at a seminar. No offense seminar peoples, I love you all, but I still have trouble over coming my hang ups.

What to do, what to do? I feel that, If you really want to work on or cover techniques that are so advanced that any rank lower than a black belt should not be working on it, and you don't want to bother with explaining basics, or dealing with people who haven't studied the same style as you, then you need make a seminar that is SPECIFICALLY designed for people who practice Style X who have obtained at least rank Z or studied for Y number of years. It is not open to the general public. I'm perfectly OK with this. Awesome! More power to you! I don't really think it's being elitist even. It's just an advanced level seminar for people who practice a specific style. Cool. I fully acknowledge I am not qualified to attend your seminar and do not feel discriminated against in the slightest. (Although it might end of fostering an elitist attitude if people aren't careful, and I'm sure someone out there would be petty enough to throw a fit about not being allowed into a seminar they are not qualified to attend, but oh well.)

I do think that the Wilder and the the Abernethy type seminars are more of a general education type of seminar. Here is some REALLY cool stuff you can do with Martial Arts, we want you to take it home and incorporate it into your school and your style however you see fit. I think it's GREAT to have lower ranking students at these seminars because even if they can't utilize or haven't learned everything yet, they are getting some of the pieces to the puzzle that they can think about and plug in as they progress in their training. They are there because they are interested and they want to learn. Cool!

Let's foster that and encourage them. Try to remember what it felt like to be that rank. Did the upper belts you knew look down their nose at you? Could you pick up on the fact that they were irritated that you were there watching and learning? Were they mad that you asked questions because you couldn't understand something? Or were they excited to help you on your journey? Did they welcome questions? Did they get excited when they showed you something knew? Did they celebrate with you when you understood or grasped something for the first time or had a 'light-bulb moment'? Even if you had the former type of instructors or sempai, wouldn't you have rather had the latter?

Just some food for thought.

Commercialization Rant

Today, Nick got his copy of MASUCCESS in the mail.

Nick gets these magazines in the mail from time to time, usually flips through them, and then they disappear. [I now assume they wind up in the trash] I ended up reading through this month's issue.

My reaction: WTF!?

Does most of the martial arts community subscribe to this?!? I can honestly say I would never recommend this magazine to anyone or any dojo. EVER.

How could I have been so sheltered!? I mean, I usually joke around and tell people that they may as well assume I live under a rock, because I'm never up to speed on things. But seriously!? I waved the magazine around in Nick's face and threw it down and stomped on it and demanded to know if this was the kind of crap that most dojos are subscribing to. Places like the place I studied Kempo at. Nick nodded. He said sometimes they have good articles, but for the most part it's all the same stuff like what you just read.

I flipped out.

The other day when I posted that I was fortunate enough to have found someone to help me bypass all the bull shit, I didn't realize what I was saying. I had no idea how much bull shit I was by-passing. I had some experience with bad kata applications and dojos that don't focus on proper form and balance and mechanics and all that, but it was a pretty brief stint all in all, maybe 6-9 months across all of them. Now I feel like I have some understanding as to why I felt so dissatisfied.

Has most of the Martial Arts world sold out!? When did everything become so commercialized? It's all MMA, and Belt Promotion 'shows' and ceremonies, and... and... the whole thing was full of bad articles and bad technique. It's ALL COMMERCIAL! There were more pictures of money in the issue than of people. (I'm not saying MMA is a bad thing, but I don't think MMA is what Martial Arts is REALLY about.)

Here are some gems from this month's issue:

Some dude who runs some schools over on the east coast, I'm sure his belt is the one Charles James posted an article about some time back. It's so torn up it hardly looks like it could even be a belt anymore. That's so unbelievably disrespectful. His quote "In our schools is a professional atmosphere with a professional instructor, not one-touch death and fake stuff. It's real and in your face – the way it was meant to be!"

Um... pretty sure the old masters didn't subscribe to the idea of MMA, and I'm willing to bet if someone like Abernethy or Wilder grabbed you by the throat and threw you down, as per the master's version of karate WAS MEANT TO BE, it'd be pretty close to one touch death for you buddy.

Another article details how to make a belt promotion into a great show! Have your students bring friends and family because the focus is not on the student, it's on the potential students. And "how to have a dress rehearsal", so that you can "put on a great show!" Not even joking. That was what they said, WORD FOR WORD. I wish I was making this up.

Another article was an interview with the man who perfected Heroic Musical Kata.  WHAT!?!? Musical Kata??? To quote Bunkai Jutsu, "The primary purpose of kata is to enable us to inflict pain upon our aggressors in response to unprovoked acts of violence." I feel like quoting the whole book! Musical Kata... JEEZ. It's reasons like this that tournaments are being won with back flips and other flashy but utterly useless techniques. This guy needs to be beaten with a copy of Bunkai Jutsu, I am tempted to ask Abernethy if he has a hard back copy somewhere that I could borrow just for this purpose.

10 books every Martial Artist should read...
Tao of Jeet Kune Do
Book of Five Rings
The Art of War
Zen in the Martial Arts
Way of the Peaceful Warrior
The Original Martial Arts Encyclopedia: A Century of Traditions, History and Pioneers
Living the Martial Way
The Essence of Karate (OMG! Gichin Funakoshi made it on the list... as number 8!?)
The Killing Art: The Untold History of Tae Kwon Do
No Holds Barred: The Complete History of Mixed Martial Arts in America

I think some of those might actually be worth reading... but there are some books I would very much liked to have seen on the list instead. I will be checking some of them out so I can form my own opinions, but I'm not holding my breath.

Finally, one of the last articles in the magazine. A 7 time champion performing Osoto Gari (major outer reap) and showing readers how to do it. Honestly, I'm not even a green belt in Aikijutsu yet, (8th kyu I think... White belt two stripes) and I know how to do a better Osoto Gari then what was pictured. Would I want to fight this guy? No. But STILL. HIS TECHNIQUE HAS GOT SOME MAJOR FLAWS IN IT!!! AAAAAAARGH!!!!! Drop your weight don't bend over!!!! You will get pulled to the ground and you don't ever want to be on the ground! DUH!


*weep*

In all seriousness it really saddens me that such an attitude of money making and commercialization has swept across what seems to be the majority of the Martial Arts community. The true meaning of what it is to be a karateka, the real techniques, the fact that Martial Arts is self defense and not a sport... don't even get me started on all the articles listed about how to pump more money from your students. Yes, I do understand these places are running a business, and in a perfect world, this wouldn't be a problem. But really, I can't help but feel a little sick at how much of this magazine was focused on increasing profits.

This is precisely why I quite my job at a corporate design firm and refuse to get a job with an advertising agency. I will not subscribe to the idea of convincing people to buy things they don't really need with money they don't really have. I still work as a designer, but on my own terms. I will not do the same thing with my business, Nick and I are adamant, we do not want to fleece our students. Now, for a healthy dose of reality: Are these people rolling in money? Probably so. Am I living paycheck to paycheck with no extra income at all? Yep. Due to those conditions do I fully understand the gravity of that statement and following my moral compass? I'd say probably so. Will I waiver from that decision? Nope. It's not all about money people. Don't get me wrong, Nick and I would love to have a successful school full of students, but we would rather treat our students with respect and give them as close as we can get to what the master's meant karate to be at a good, legitimate price as opposed to rising the prices to make more of a profit and pulling the wool over their eyes by teaching sloppy ineffective technique for fast promotions and using elaborate belt ceremonies as a distraction.


Nick is always telling me to be constructive with my criticism, to write things in such a way as to offer suggestions, to not just complain, but to work to find solutions as well. Normally I agree, but this time I don't know what the answer is. I only know that I feel pretty sorry for all the McDojo's out there and even sorrier for their students. This Quote sums up how I feel. Honestly people, this time, I got nothing. : /

Seminar Attitude

This is NOT the review of the Wilder Seminar. If you are looking for the review of the Wilder seminar, it can be found here.

**As a forewarning, this blog might upset some people, probably black belts. I honestly sincerely don't mean any disrespect by it, but I want to preface the blog with this disclaimer: I'm sorry if this upsets you and I do not hold this opinion to be universally true about all black belts.**

I recently attending a seminar. It was awesome. It was the third seminar I have been to, and the second martial arts focused seminar. (First was a Mr. Rory Miller seminar on violence, second was an Iain Abernethy seminar on Bunkai and Kata, and the most recent was a Kris Wilder seminar on power generation and application of this principle with some of the kata movements)

I did not get this vibe from the Miller seminar, probably because some of the first words out of Miller's mouth were "This is not about Martial Arts, this is about violence." and no one showed up in uniform.

However, I have to say something I experienced at both the Abernethy and the Wilder seminar has left me feeling rather perplexed. I felt it quite a bit more at the Abernethy seminar then the Wilder seminar, but it was still there.

Generally speaking I am usually one of the youngest and lowest ranking people there, but not usually via the same person. There are younger attendees who hold black belts, and older attendees who hold green and brown belts. There have been one or two other people younger then myself and maybe 3 to 5 people who are not black belts at these seminars. Overall, there are not a lot of us 'newbies' at these seminars. It's probably 90% Black Belts. I am not sure if the other lower ranking students feel the same way I do, but I usually feel a distinct 'mood' emanating from some of the black belts who attended the last two seminars I went to. Both seminars, walking into the room first thing on the first day, I feel a general air of... I want to be politically correct, because I do not want to hurt feelings or step on toes, that's honestly not the purpose of this post, but to be blunt I feel like a lot of people are looking down their nose at each other.

I have never felt this feeling or attitude from any of the hosts or presenters of the seminars that I have attended, and I certainly don't get this vibe from all the participants either. This is not a blanket statement. However, this feeling does come and go throughout the seminar, and I feel like most everyone is on guard and is always slightly on the defensive. I see a lot of dour expressions.

(There was a brief discussion following the seminar about this, and the comment was made "I don't think those kind of people come to these seminars, I think everyone here wants to learn." I'm not sure I entirely agree with that. Perhaps I am just imagining it though? I agree that close minded ignorant martial artists will more then likely not sign up for these types of seminars, and I do think that everyone there wants to learn, but I just don't get the feeling like the attitude is all bubbles and roses and sunshine. And yes, I am aware that Martial Arts is a serious subject, but like Miller has stated, you learn things better if you have fun with it.)

I'm not sure where this sense of standoffish-ness comes from, but I don't like it. I think it would be cool if all the attendees left their belt at the door and put on a white belt for the duration of the seminar. I think it would be neat if everyone would let go of their pretenses and insecurities and just have a good time and enjoy themselves. Introduce yourself to people, make a point to go talk to someone you don't know, ask them about their style, work with different partners and be excited about it for godssake! We get this chance to work some of the heavy hitters in the industry and I think we should make the most of it, not spend time sizing each other up and worrying about if the person next to you knows more then you.

Are you worried that your partner is going to hurt you? Are you worried about looking weak? Do you feel like you have to uphold your black belt macho attitude? I don't get it! Please help me understand why I saw almost no laughing or excitement. If you do feel this way, maybe other people feel this way too. (I did see SOME, especially when people are doing the drills, but I also saw a lot of eyeing up and turned backs during breaks or before or after the seminars.)

Whatever you're holding on to, let it go!

This little orange belt would be pretty darn excited if everyone came with an empty cup, an open mind, and a willingness to work with others, to listen, and to drop the pretenses, to go as slow or as fast as your partner is comfortable, to hit as hard or as soft as your partner is comfortable with, to be willing to scale back, to not be embarrassed to ask your partner to scale back if that's what you want.

We are all there to learn and to have fun. We all come from different backgrounds but we are united by our passion for the martial arts. No one is out to get you, no one is out to make you look stupid or feel like a fool in front of everyone, no one cares if you don't know something specific that the person next to you might know; you may know something they don't! No one cares what color your belt is, or how many stripes are on your belt or how long you have been training. We are all equals there to learn, share, practice, and enjoy.

I know I just said that no one cares what color your belt is, but perhaps because of this general vibe it can be very intimidating for a low ranking student to walk into a room full of black belts. (For those of us who don't have a black belt, it can best be described as the black belt complex. You know it shouldn't matter, but you can't help but fixate on it to some degree till you have it) I just didn't feel overly welcome till the host and presenter showed up, I didn't see enthusiasm or excitement, I saw sideways glances and people sticking to clicks/schools.

I will be the first to admit, I am just as guilty of this myself. I tend to mainly work with Sensei Nick during these seminars. Partly because I am shy, partly because I have a very strong sense of trust with Sensei Nick and it can be unnerving for anyone to work with a stranger, and partly because I didn't feel like most (not all, but some) of the other attendees wanted to work with an orange belt. It's very difficult sometimes for us newbies to come out of our shell and approach you 'towering black belts' who have been doing this for 10, 20, 30 years or more. Does anyone else feel this way?

Last night in class, we talked about how cool the seminar was and are encouraging out students to attend the Brent Yamamoto seminar. We had a student, a white belt, say he didn't want to go because he was afraid he would be in the way, or he wouldn't be able to keep up with the material. Sensei Nick and I tried to encourage him, but I got the feeling that that is why a lot of lower ranking students don't attend these things. If he were to attend, I couldn't honestly guarantee that he wouldn't pick up on some of the attendees not wanting to work with him because they, too, felt he would be in their way, etc.


It can be really scary attending a seminar for the first or second time, especially as a lower ranking student. We feel like mice among giants! You're the role models, you're the ones we all look up to for guidance and acceptance. We need your welcoming attitude and encouragement, not your aloof detachment. In our minds you embody the black belts we want to become. Think about that for a minute... We're watching your every move to see how a real black belt behaves. If you snub other schools, your students will do the same. If you go out of your way to talk to other people, to share information, to be pleasant etc, your students will follow your lead, especially when you encourage that type of behavior.  Do you want your students to be like those of Cobra Kai or those of Mr. Miyagi?

Sensei Nick and I discussed this on the way home, and he said that honestly the two seminars that we have attended together were pretty good. He's been to seminars that were almost downright hostile. Has anyone else had any type of experience like this? What have you done to get past it?

There were some suggestions like forcing people to work with different partners on the first day, but then letting people work with people from their own school on the second day so they can collaborate and be able to take the material back to their own schools better. Miller did this at his seminar and it seemed to work pretty well. It was only a one day seminar that I attended but by the end of the day it wasn't a big deal/awkward to go introduce yourself to someone and change partners every time.

I've decided that the next seminar I go to I am going to make a point to try to get there early and talk to as many people as I can before the seminar starts and during the breaks. To introduce myself and find out who they are and where they come from and what they study. This is going to be a huge challenge as I am actually pretty shy when I have to face people in person. In fact, I've gotten so nervous I've thrown up before! However, this is really important to me, so I want to push myself outside my comfort zone. We grow through challenge and adversity, not by staying in our safety zone.

So if I see you at the next seminar, you can bet I'm going to try to come over and talk to you. And if I suddenly dash off while we are talking, please don't be offended, I might be throwing up in the bathroom because I am so nervous, but by golly I'm gonna make the effort!

Its okay to ask for help

This post has nothing to do with Martial Arts.

First and foremost, I want to say that sometimes emotions don't make a lot of sense. They don't always have to. Of course there is usually a reason. I feel _____ because _____. Even so, my mom always told me, emotions are not right or wrong, they just are, you don't have to justify them, its ok to be happy or sad. I largely agree with her. I have had many counselors who have said the same thing.

Second, I want to say that depression in particular doesn't always make a lot of sense. Sometimes you just feel really sad and you don't know why. This is miserable. You feel helpless and sad and overwhelmed. Sometimes you feel guilty for being sad because you think you have nothing to feel sad about. You feel frustrated because of your lack of productivity. You may actually be being productive, but you can't see because you have these lame ass blinders on. You try to focus, you try to be positive and happy. You can't shake it.

Sometimes depression comes with feelings of total worthlessness and self hatred. Its not really logical or justifiable. You just feel like the world would be better off without you. You don't want to talk to anyone because you don't want to 'bother' them or 'burden them with your troubles'. Your friends are all happy people, you don't want to bring them down with you, no reason for them to suffer too...

All this going on in your head. "I hate myself, I have accomplished nothing, I am so worthless, I have done nothing with the last hour, day, week, month, year, etc. Everyone would just be better off if I wasn't around." etc etc etc

Sometimes you snap out of it, sometimes you don't.

These may sound really silly, to some of you out there, but I can assure sometimes the dark pit of hopelessness is very real and very consuming. While sometimes un-explainable these feelings are very crippling and can feel incredibly overwhelming.


The good news?

It is OK to ask for help! Talk to a trusted friend or parent, seek counseling, let someone know how you are feeling and they can help you or help you try to find the help you need. No matter how bleak it seems, you will be ok, things will get better. Sometimes, you just need someone to talk to, and sometimes just talking helps. If you can talk it out and get things off your chest, you'll be amazed how much better you feel after.

The point is, don't feel bad, embarrassed or ashamed. Everyone needs help sometimes. It is ok to ask. If you're feeling depressed, please talk to someone.

Internship Expectations

As mentioned before, I will be working as something of an Intern for the dojo that Sensei Nick teaches Aiki out of. Tomorrow I will head in for a Cardio workout in the morning followed by some time with the instructor to go over some of the first TaeKwonDo kata.

Which reminds me I need to practice my own kata...
(WHICH I actually did some of today, just not all of them yet)

Here are the things that I am hoping to get out of my "internship":

• Learning to recognize learning styles
• Learning to communicate with different learning styles effectively
• Learning drills and fun activities/work outs/exercises to do with kids classes
• Learning good exercises and fun work outs and drills for adult classes
• Learning what to do or how to deal with kids (and adults) who misbehave, don't focus, are a distraction, or in general disruptive to the class
• Being able to teach
• Being able to help someone understand something for the first time or improve on their technique
• Being able to learn from my students

I'm sure there are more, but that is all my tired brain can think of right now. I will post more as I think of them and write how my internship goes as I am able to spend time in the dojo. Due to finally acquiring a job this may be a little more difficult and sporadic then I would like, but I will make it happen.

Night everyone.

Martial Training Conundrum: Take 2

My last post apparently created a huge uproar. I apologize if I stepped on anyone's toes, or hurt anyone's feelings.

I closed the comments on the last post because I was encouraged to do so, and because I needed to step away from the issue for a bit. I did what I felt was the most appropriate course of action, at that time. Honestly, I felt the questions I was trying to ask were getting lost in context of the situation I used to explain what drove me to thinking about these questions. Not because I didn't want to hear the truth or because my feelings were hurt, but because I felt comments were off topic, so I shut it down.  (Not that that stopped the comments anyway). @.@

With that being said:
I really want to try this again, without the context from the last post. I am going to ask the questions I was trying to ask in my last post, BY THEMSELVES. Ignore and disregard EVERYTHING from the last post.

Everyone is welcome to comment on this post, and believe me when I say that I DO GENUINELY want to hear everyone's opinion, and I will not shut down the comments, but please focus on the topic. THIS IS A CLEAN SLATE.


The questions I was trying postulate are these:

• When is it ok to stand up for yourself or a friend?
• Please keep in mind, this doesn't mean knocking someone's block off for calling you a name. To me, this means you say "Hey, leave that me/guy alone." maybe you call the cops. Those, to me, constitute action/intervention/standing up for yourself/someone else.
• I understand our priority as Martial Artists is to always walk away from a fight. Why? Why legally and why morally as I believe these have two different answers.
• When, or at what point, if ever, is it ethically and morally right to intervene on violence? 
• Again, to me intervention could mean calling the police, it does not necessarily mean going up to some guy and picking/joining the fight.
• When is it ok to use force to stand up for yourself or a friend?
• When is it ok to use force to DEFEND yourself? (How high does the violence have to have escalated?)
• If the answer to some of these is "ONLY when you life is on the line", WHY does it have to get that far along before you can defend yourself to the utmost of your ability? 
• Is it wrong to end violence with a preemptive strike? Be it physical or metaphorical. (punch, call for help, etc.)
• Why is it legally wrong to really put the hurt on someone if they try to hurt you first? Is it morally wrong? Why?

Now, context has a lot to do with the answers for the questions above. So context may be, verbal violence, physical violence, death is impending violence, etc. So feel free to use those types of context for you answers.  

Now, the second set of questions, which I think is more to the point of what I was trying to get at yesterday.  (Thanks Sam for articulating this for me, because I think this is a valid point, and something I want to know, it helps me understand my confusion I think)

•  One of the simple answers is simply the social context. Physical violence is not acceptable because we live in a society and society has rules. You insult me, you punch me, whatever, I punch you back, society says this is not ok, therefore society makes the rules and the rules say this is not ok, in the eyes of the law you are wrong.
• To every situation, action reaction, there are social, legal, moral, personal ramifications. Obviously you have to decide if you can live with all of these. Can you live with yourself if you do ____. Can you live with society disapproving of you if you do _____. etc.    
• This leads me to my next point. Where, when, and why did society change to its current set of rules? 
• Years ago, if you had a dispute, you went and dueled it out. 
• Further back, if someone stole from you and you caught them, you could kill them. (Or beat them up, or whatever.) 
• So, when and why did we gravitate away from these courses of action?
• Why was it ok to go out back and duke it out, settle it, and move on back then, but not now? (I will not take, 'we are more civilized and evolved now' as an answer.)

And finally, the last of the points I was trying to make. Along the same topic as bullying. We are taught and trained to walk away from any kind of confrontation. I have asked why. But I want you to consider this when answering. We were all also taught when we were little that, "Sticks and Stones may break my bones, by words will never hurt me." In my opinion, this is a lie. I understand engaging in the monkey dance is stupid. But when someone comes after you and verbally attacks you, as a person, sometimes once, sometimes repeatedly, that damage can be more devastating than a broken nose, cracked ribs, missing teeth or a black eye. That damage is lasting, weeks, months, years... I have known people that have taken their lives or that of others, or both because they are pushed to the breaking point by this verbal violence.

So when people say "In my view the mere fact that a person asks themselves if it is acceptable or appropriate to use your training to "stick up for yourself" puts the monkey in the driving seat. I believe it was written that if something does not result in some injury you can see with your eyes and record with a camera it ain't an injury or damage." I must disagree. Maybe some people have this thick of skin, but most of us don't. And some people have incredibly sharp tongues. I promise you, the effects of that kind of violence can last a life time.

Why is it so bad that we fight it out before it gets to the point of guns and knives and even more violence? Why is it so bad to stand up for yourself? I am not talking about looking for opportunities to use your skills, going out of your way to find a fight or prove yourself or anything like that. I am talking having the human decency to help yourself or someone in need. Be it calling the police, notifying the authorities, or delivering a swift punch in the nose as the situation dictates.

Call me old fashioned, idealistic, stupid, or naive if you must, but rest assured if, somewhere, someday, I see you getting bullied, mugged or gang-raped in an alley, I firmly believe it is my moral and ethical obligation to intervene and I will help you. (AGAIN, all I may be able to do is call the police and tell them what is happened and where you are, but it is still something and better than nothing in my opinion.)



Just some things to think about... Or comment on, if you so desire. Again, I promise not to close the thread, but I do ask that comments are kept on topic and are not made personal.

Hopefully my questions are presented better this time and I look forward to reading everyone's response. 

Martial Training Conundrum

*This post is may be considered offense to some people. I am merely thinking out loud and trying to work through and understand some aspects of society and culture as opposed to martial training.*

I have lived in a few different parts of the country and traveled to lots of them. I haven't yet had a chance to explore other countries but I am working towards this goal. One thing I can be certain of is that culture is very different from place to place, even within the United States.

Miller said in the seminar that violence happens in specific places, one of which being a place where we don't understand the rules or the culture. Now, this wasn't necessarily a violent encounter, but it is something that happened in a place I was not familiar with. What I am having trouble understanding is if the rules were different here, or if it is just because there is an epidemic of rudeness in our country right now.

(I know people like Charles James mention rudeness and the power of words and Rory Miller have mentioned things like cultural differences, in their blogs.)

Anyway, so the situation is this. My mom and I stop at a Jack in the Box off the interstate to grab a bite to eat. Its near the highway and the closest thing around and we are starving. So we pull off and head in, because we're tired of being in the car. The place is mostly empty. There is one person ahead of us in line. So we order and sit down to wait for our number to be called.

Then the lunch rush hits, or something, because all of a sudden the place is packed. The lobby is very small and there aren't enough tables. People are giving mom and I some strange and dirty looks. We're not sure why. We're sitting quietly, minding our own business. We are clearly waiting on our food and everyone else is in line, no one is sitting down yet. Eventually it becomes so uncomfortable mom and I consider just taking our food and go eat in the car when they call our number. I decide to run the restroom so we can be ready to leave if that's what mom wants to do.

It figures, the second I run to the bathroom, they call our number. Mom doesn't want to leave her purse at the table, so she takes it with her to get our food. She comes back and some guy and some of his group sitting at our table. He's with a large group and they have several kids with them.

Mom said, "Oh... my daughter and I were just getting our food, thanks for taking our seats..." Or something like that. Either way, she wasn't rude. My mom isn't the type who is rude or aggressive up front. She might get upset and rant about it later but she tries pretty hard to be kind to people. The guy looks at my mom, right in front of all the kids and everyone in the restaurant and says loudly, "YOU'RE FUCKING WELCOME."

This, in my opinion, is totally unacceptable. If I hadn't been in the bathroom, I would have said something. I came out and mom was standing by the trash can trying to hold the tray and her drink and purse and all that. So we took our food and left, she didn't tell me till we got in the car what happened.

Now... here is the conundrum. I wanted very badly to go back in there and kick that guys ass. Obviously I don't have the skills to do it yet but I really wanted to anyway. It's not ok to talk to anyone like that. Especially someone's mom. However, as Martial Artists just, because we can kick someone's ass doesn't mean we should, even if they deserve it, right? (I know that at this point Charles James will link me some things on the Gentle Art of Verbal Self Defense.)

I expect most people to say, "Of course, just because you can doesn't mean you should." I want to know: why not? Why is it not ok to use your skills to stand up for yourself??? Granted, all this guy did was snap at my mom, which doesn't necessarily warrant a punch in the face. But let's consider some other scenarios:

Why is it as Martial Artists we train and train, but we're not allowed to use our abilities unless it is a life or death struggle? This is honestly something I have always struggled with. Maybe I will be more at peace with this as I progress in my studies, but I do not understand why it is not ok to put people in their place if they deserve it. If someone tries to mug me, why can't I break his kneecaps to discourage him from doing it to anyone else? If someone is a bully, why do they just get to get away with it? If someone tries to rape me, why am I expected to run away and let the law deal with it? If he has a good attorney, he'll just get off with a slap on the wrist and will probably do it to someone else.

Yes, I understand the only fight you are guaranteed to win is the one you never have, and how do you really distinguish between when someone deserves a punch in the nose or not, how do you keep yourself from becoming the bully, etc etc etc. I know all this sounds ridiculous coming from me, who has not much experience with violence. I'm sure people like Miller and MacYoung and Wilder will tell me they really hope I never get into a fight, because they are not fun, they are messy, brutal, awful affairs.

I'm sure its safer for people in the long run if we don't have violence running rampant through our streets. (Except, the other day in Joplin, I saw two guys get out of their car at a stoplight and proceed to have a fist fight right in the middle of the street... so... on some level whether we like it or not, violence is going to happen anyway)

But I still just don't get why it isn't ok? If I were better with my skills, why couldn't I have used Aiki to make this jerk stand up and move so mom could have her seat back? Why does that make me the bad guy? (At least in the eyes of the justice system)

Maybe people would be a little more polite and respectful to each other if they didn't think they could get away with being a complete ass hole to everyone all the time? "If I say something incredibly rude to him, or behave in this inappropriate manner, he/she could haul off and knock my teeth out. Hmm... maybe I better not say/do that..."

Does this make any sense to anyone else? Am I alone in thinking that maybe Hammurabi's code "an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth" wasn't such a bad idea? (Some of his other laws were pretty harsh, and most of them involved putting someone to death, but this one seems to make sense to me. You reap what you sow. Karma and all that.) I don't believe Martial Artists should go around looking for fights. I do not approve of this behavior at all. But if someone starts it, if they make the first move, why can't we finish it?

Why do we have to just stand by and allow people to treat each other like dirt or hurt each other and get away with it? This doesn't seem right to me. I don't care if it's not my business or not, if you are hitting your girlfriend in public while I am watching, or screaming at the cashier while I am in line behind you, or  stealing from someone while I am a in the same parking lot, then it is my business and it is my human/moral/ethical obligation to help. For me, in most cases, that would probably mean calling the police. If some guy is beating his girlfriend at the park, or I see someone down an alley way attacking/mugging/raping someone else I am not going to walk by and pretend I didn't see it, I will call the police. I would want someone to do the same for me. If some dude is screaming at a cashier, I would say something. I have worked retail. We're people too and you do not have the right to treat us like trash because you are having a bad day. Not enough people stand up for each other in those kinds of situations, and it sickens me that someone can come into a place of business, scream and throw a fit, and be rewarded for their behavior with apologies and coupons from managers.

This whole dynamic is just so confusing to me. You train and train with the understanding and the expectation that you will never have to use your skills. I really would like to think there is more to it than just my monkey brain seeking to do the monkey dance. This isn't about having something to prove. This is about human decency. When you were little and you misbehaved, you were reprimanded, right? I got spanked, or had my mouth washed out with soap, or sent to time out, or stood in the corner, or grounded, etc. The punishment always fit the crime, but I always knew there was a certain way to behave and that it was not ok to treat people a certain way. So why is it when we grow up, we're suddenly exempt from punishment and repercussions from our actions? Why is anyone who tries to curb or adjust your snobby attitude considered the bad guy? (again, I am speaking from what I expect the legal stand point would be. I'm guess if you go to court and say, "Well, Judge. I just don't believe in bullying. Someone had to put a stop to it, so I punched him in the face." You'll be the one who winds up with a fine or in jail.)

This is such a complex topic and there is a lot more that I could say/ask. But I think this post is long enough and I am talking myself in circles at this point.

I am open to hearing thoughts and opinions from others on the subject, especially anyone with martial arts experience and/or experience with violence. Dialogue is encouraged, I really want to know what other people think, but I do not want to start an argument, so if you comment, do not attack anyone's thoughts or beliefs or comments, I will remove your comment. What I have written are mostly my thoughts, considerations and questions on a very broad subject that is very gray in terms of right and wrong. I do not claim to be right or wrong, nor to have any of the answers. I am merely seeking understanding.

Follow up to my request

I think my last post stirred some things up in a way that I did not intend for it to do so.

In addition to this Josh made a very poignant comment on my blog. His comment reads

Josh K. said...

Ah, but did you tell them what you just told us?

There seemed to have been a failure to communicate information from you to them also. I know sometimes the mid-level instructors in a field can be touchy, but it something they need to learn; the ability to switch hats from instructor to student. 90%(made up stat. alert) of all learning failures is do to the instructor just assuming the student just didn't understand their brilliant teaching method.

:-)

Josh 

My response is this:

I feel like me saying "I need to do the technique to understand what you are trying to tell me" is essentially telling them I need to do the technique to learn it and understand what you are saying, similar to what I said in my blog post. I was getting incredibly frustrated and was probably not communicating very well towards the end, and I was also still upset when I wrote this blog, which also means I probably didn't convey this situation in as neutral of a light as I meant to.

I should have mentioned in the post that after I went back to working with my initial partner the assistant instructors broke us up and I worked with the second instructor who was very patient and was able to actually walk me through the technique and help me in a way that I needed. I did try to tell him as he was doing it that THAT was exactly what I needed. I need to do the technique to understand it. I didn't mean any disrespect or accusations by my previous post, I was merely trying to post it as an example of what can and does sometimes happen in any learning environment. I should have concluded the post by saying that there was a resolution to the issue and I was not merely left helpless to struggle through it on my own.

That being said, I do agree with Josh. It is as important for students to communicate to their instructors HOW they learn as it is for instructors to understand how to teach to that learning style. The road goes both ways and in retrospect I could have communicated better as well. 

(Way to Black Belt has an incredibly good chapter on this, and I believe Teaching the Martial Arts addresses this as well)

I would like to stress again that I was not trying to point fingers nor was I trying to imply that the assistant instructor(s) are bad instructors or that the were doing a bad job. We were simply having trouble communicating and I wanted to use the situation as an example in hopes that I might make other instructors or students aware that this can and does happen and that when it does, you need to find a way to communicate with each other about how to work through it.

I hope this clears things up a little bit.

A request to instructors everywhere

A teacher can either make or break a class, a subject, or a concept. I truly believe the reason I always hated math was because I struggled to pick up the concepts and I never had very good teachers who were willing to work with me on it.

If the teacher understands that they are talking about, that is really important, but I don't think that automatically makes them a good teacher. 

In my opinion a really good teacher is someone who is passionate about both learning and teaching. They are excited about what they are teaching, which is infectious and in turn makes the students excited and engaged. They are good at communicating. A really good teacher is someone who understands that you might need to explain the same concept different ways to different students because there are different learning styles. While one student may be able to hear an explanation, another student may need that explanation worded differently while another student may need a visual aid to understand the point a teacher is trying to make. A great teacher will be able to teach across all learning spectrums or be able to explain the same concept a number of different ways until something clicks with the student. And finally, a teacher needs to be knowledgeable on the subject they are teaching. 

If you end up with a teacher who is not excited, cannot communicate or does not know what they are talking about it can make learning an incredibly difficult and frustrating experience.

If you are in an instructor position, I would strongly encourage you to do research on learning types and related teaching methods. There is nothing more frustrating than being a student and asking for help and having your instructor be unable to communicate with you in a way that you understand. 

For example, this evening in Aikijutsu class we were practicing shomen uchi irimi nage and one of the assistant instructors made the comment that I was doing certain parts of the technique wrong. (Go figure, its the 20 year throw...) They then showed me how to correctly perform the technique on the other assistant instructor. While I do pick things up visually I am a much stronger at learning kinesthetically. (which is to say I have to do it to get it) I asked the instructors to walk me through the technique as I was doing it on them. Instead they proceeded to show me the technique on each other several more times and explain in great depth the concept and workings behind the technique. I understand how the technique works, but if I cannot feel where I am doing the technique wrong or right as I am actually performing the technique, all that knowledge is useless to me. I asked them again to please allow me to do the technique and walk me through it as I was doing it. The instructor who had initially made the comment I was having problems continued to say "No, watch, THIS is how it works," while still doing the technique on the other instructor. After a good 5 to 10 minutes of having both assistant instructors try to help me and another student chime in and I became so frustrated I gave up and just went back to trying to figure it out with my partner.

This is NOT ok! If you are a teacher or instructor in any field, I IMPLORE YOU, on my knees, to please research learning styles and teaching methods for the sake of your students. PLEASE. 

For Martial Arts instructors specifically, Sensei Nick has recommended Martial Arts Instruction. This is the next to read on my list. 

Next post I will post a bit about learning types and related material. Till then, keep it cool everyone.

~ Samurai Girl Sahara

Spider Sense and Safety Words

"My spider sense is tingling..."

When I first began discussing the idea of studying Martial Arts seriously again with Sensei Nick, we talked about all kinds of things. Nick recommended authors to me like Miller, Kane, Wilder, and Abernethy. He sent me ideas for drills. He even mentioned at one point it might be interesting to go bar hoping some weekend to watch for fights. NOT participate, but just observe.

I kind of liked the idea because I haven't ever really been exposed to violence before. How can I teach the martial arts without having some idea of how violence happens and what it's like. Reading Miller's work helps with this, but in the end I figure it's kind of like reading romance novels to learn about sex. Each experience is different, and while people can tell you what it's like, until you actually do it for yourself you really still have no idea.

So when I made the decision to be an Uchideshi, I knew I was going to be in for some interesting experiences. Little did I know they were going to happen so quickly.

Sensei Nick currently teaches classes on Monday and Tuesday at a small dojo in the next town over. (When he's in the country anyway) After our Aiki class Sensei Nick had me going over kata. It was just Sensei Nick, his daughter Emma and I in the dojo. It was late, after 9:30pm, and dark outside, etc.

Sensei Nick was sitting on the mat, I was doing my kata, and his daughter was sitting next to him. A guy walks into the dojo and sits in the chair and starts to watch. He doesn't say anything. I IMMEDIATELY get a strange vibe off this guy and start to feel pretty uncomfortable. I finish up my kata and Nick stands up and says its time to go. Emma and I start to turn the fans off and the guy moves over to the counter to talk to Nick. I can't hear what is being said, but Emma and I are on the other side of the room and Nick looks over at me and tells me to take Emma and go wait in the car. Now I'm starting to feel really bad about the situation. I'm not 100% sure what to do at this point, but I trust Nick so I take Emma (who is 10) and we go wait in the car.

I have a million things going through my mind. Do I call the cops? Is Nick ok? Does this guy just want to talk? Is he going to rob Nick? Does he have a knife or a gun? From where we were parked I could see inside the dojo and was trying to look in the mirrors to see if I could see where Nick and guy were, but I couldn't. I trust Sensei Nick, I know he can handle himself and I know he could seriously mess someone up if he had to. But I would rather not take the chance. Emma and I had only been in the car for a few minutes before another car pulled up and started honking. I could see a mom and a kid inside. The kid jumped out and ran up to the dojo, so I assumed they were this man's family. Shortly thereafter Nick and the guy came out and he got in the van and Nick got in the car with us.

Nothing bad happened, but my heart was pounding.

The conversation on the drive home was of course what to do next time something like this happens. I KNEW something was not right. Nick has mentioned the book "Gift of Fear" many times, because people often tell themselves they are being paranoid, but you do not want to ignore your intuition. EVER. This can save your life. We have that tingly spider sense for a reason. Don't ignore it. In the seminar earlier this month Miller mentioned not to ignore your subconscious either. He said when your subconscious goes off, to look around and see what has triggered it. Have an internal dialogue with yourself and talk to your subconscious. The more you learn to have your subconscious and your conscious communicate with each other, the more things your subconscious will notice.

In the end Nick and I devised a system. If something happens again and he says something like, go wait in the car or whatever, and tugs on his ear while he says it, I will promptly leave and call the police for help. It turns out the guy was drunk and he did have a knife, but he didn't pull it on Nick. He just wanted to talk. Thankfully. Since I tend to fidget with my hair and pull on my ears and stuff a lot we decided the best thing would be for me to have a verbal cue. "Everything's good in Tokyo." means "HEEEEELP!"  Maybe all of this is a little silly, but I feel much better having a code to be able to communicate distress in a situation where you can't necessarily actually ask for help.

I'm glad the situation wasn't critical, no one was hurt, nothing bad happened, but it was certainly a good learning experience and sparked some really good conversation.

Avoid if possible!

Bear with me, this post is going to be a little bit scatterbrained:

July is my most favorite month of the year. For a variety of reasons. This year July is going to be even better than usual because: I will be attending Miller's seminar on the 9th. I am REALLY excited for this one.

To the point: in light of the holiday, a time when people will be out doors, and probably drinking, and thinking about the seminar I get to attend next weekend and Miller's book "Meditations on Violence" I wanted to bring up being aware of your surroundings and some other safety things.

Yes, as Martial Artists, we go to class and learn how to maim, injure, decapitate and otherwise incapacitate our adversaries. BUT, one thing that many of the dojos I have been to do not stress are what to do BEFORE you have to fight. And I only say have to, because you should never start a fight and you should never resort to violence unless necessary. Miller talks about this in Meditations on Violence... look, just read the book, its amazing.

Now, I used to be like... "Whatever, if someone starts something with me, I'm going to kick their ass!" However, Sensei Nick made me watch the broken shin kick video on YouTube. If you haven't seen it, take a look. Its only 14 seconds. I saw that and thought "Oh... Maybe I don't want to get into a fight so badly after all...."

Miller talks a lot about the monkey dance. How people escalate from insults to pushing and shoving to violence. It is to prove something. You are defending only your pride and your ego. That is the kind of fight you should always walk away from. ALWAYS. As a martial artist, you're above that anyway, you don't need to prove anything. You (should) know better. Plus, you can go to jail if you really hurt someone. I don't want to spend years in jail, I'm pretty sure you don't either.

So, with that being said, As a martial artist, we don't want to fight unless we absolutely have to, right? Say it with me: "RIGHT."

How do we avoid getting in a fight?

1) Don't be there! - If you know there is a bad area of town, or some place that is not reputable for being safe, avoid it. I want to say, especially around holidays like this when people are out partying and drinking. Drunk people do strange and stupid things sometimes. Best to avoid those who are very heavily intoxicated, right?

2) Be aware of your surroundings. When I was younger my mom made me take a few rape defense classes with her. I was usually always the youngest in the room at 14, but I learned some good stuff I still think about almost a decade later. When you are out and about, just be aware. Don't be digging through your purse looking for your keys as you walk out to your car late at night with your arms full of groceries. Have your keys on hand and ready. (better yet, get a kubaton for your keys!) Do not be text messaging or looking at your phone. Walk with confidence and look people in the face. People don't want to be recognized if they're going to attack you. Its hard to explain I guess, but try to minimize your distractions. And pay attention to where you are and what is around you. Don't park next to big vans or SUVs with tinted windows. Now, again, I probably come across as paranoid, and just because someone has a van with tinted windows doesn't mean they are a predator. But, better safe then sorry.

SO. Pay attention to where you are, pay attention to what is around you and who you are with. Just little stuff like that.

Keep in mind, this doesn't address the fact that Felicia's points out in her blog that with women most violence happens with someone you know, this is just if some crazy psycho decides you look like easy pickin's. Her post is something which is something I would like to write about in more detail in the future. For example, in Aikijustu, Sensei Nick is always saying there is a 'lets get the keys from drunk uncle bob' way to deal with someone and a 'you are trying to kill me so I will bounce your head off the sidewalk' way to deal with them. Same technique, just effective vs. potentially lethal. I want to do more research to find out if other Martial Arts Systems are like this and how that works, among other things.

The second thing I wanted to address is that, if some drunk guy stumbles up and asks for my number, I'm not going to beat the shit out of him for no reason. If he touches me or things seem like they're going to get out of hand, I will leave. Or find help. Immediately.

HOWEVER. If you truly believe that your life or your safety is in danger, and there is no escape or no way to get out of the situation, THEN you kick their ass and don't hold back. To quote Sensei Nick "Fighting with enough ferocity to scare a tiger is the only option."

Miller writes "It's better to avoid than to run; better to run than to de-escalate; better to de-escalate than to fight; better to fight than to die."

There! that sums up mostly everything I wanted to get out in this post.

Really, I just wanted to say "Be safe and have a good weekend everyone".  Ha. Oops. @.@


Well... Be safe and have a good holiday weekend everyone! Enjoy the 4th!

Uchi-wha?

内 弟 子

内
Uchi - inside, within

弟 子
Deshi - pupil; disciple; adherent; follower; apprentice; teacher's student-helper

Uchideshi can more or less be translated to "live in student". Traditionally when students wanted to study Martial Arts, they would leave home and study at a dojo. They lived at the dojo and worked closely with their Sensei, working to build martial arts into all aspects of their lives. (There is a lot more to it than this, sometimes you had to get a letter of recommendation, and then the Sensei might make you do nothing but menial tasks like cleaning and cooking for more than a year to test your resolve. There is lots to it, but more or less, you studied, worked and lived at the dojo. Martial Arts was your everything.)

Since my post about find your passion and making a life of martial arts my goal, I have been doing quite a bit of research on the subject lately, especially into places that currently offer uchideshi programs. While my current plan/arrangement is move to OK to work for and train under Sensei Nick at Guinn Martial Arts, he has no existing uchideshi program, so we will more or less be making this up as we go along in hopes of being able to offer an uchideshi program to students in the future.

Here is some of the information I have found. (Keep in mind most of the these dojos are in the states, although some of them are owned/run by native Japanese practitioners, none of the dojos I looked into were schools in Asia. However, many of these uchideshi programs offered exchange or study abroad opportunities with schools in Japan.)

- Almost all of the uchideshi programs I looked into were for Aikido. There was one Karate school in Australia that has an Uchideshi program.

- Most Uchideshi programs allow students to live in the dojo, or very near by designated space. Rent is incredibly cheap, and sometimes includes food and amenities, such as laundry. Sometimes uchideshi are expected to share cooking expenses and responsibilities. Usually your privacy is limited, you have dorm style accommodations or a very small room with a common living area.

- Depending on the dojo, some uchideshi programs are very strict and rigorous. Some schools expect you to lead a monastic life style of meditation and practice. I found one program where you are only allowed to own clothes and martial arts equipment, and everything you own must be able to fit into a locker. Others give you time for a job and school.

- In general uchideshi are responsible for the upkeep of the dojo, assisting with administrative work, and once they are experienced enough assisting with teaching classes. Some dojos expect senior uchideshi to be responsible for new and younger uchideshi.

- Most schools have their uchideshi either attending class or practicing a very minimum of 14 to 18 hours a week. This is usually two to three classes a day and does not include special training time with the Sensei, cleaning, or administrative work. In addition students are encouraged to meditate, read and study martial arts related material, and bring the martial attitude into all aspects of their lives.


A lot of these aspects are keeping in line with tradition as I understand it. Obviously it doesn't work exactly the way it did in Japan back in the day, but the idea is generally the same.

One of the reasons I like the (traditional) Japanese culture so much is its so steeped in tradition. Everything has a purpose and a meaning and a specific way to be done. You dedicate yourself wholly to the perfection of your chosen art or path. You take pride in your work and constantly seek to make yourself and your work better.

Are there any people out there today who really understand what it means to devote your whole self to something? 




Do I?


I would say there are, but that those people are few and far between.

Maybe I'm just living in the wrong time period.

Either way it has been making me contemplate:
What does it really mean to be an uchideshi? What does it mean to live only for the study and perfection of martial arts? To put the needs of the sensei and the dojo before your own?

I feel like I experienced something similar to this when I attended art school. Since I went for a BFA instead of a BA I was in the classroom 30 to 40 hours a week instead of 15 like at a traditional college. You ate, slept and breathed art. Literally. I knew students that would get to school at 7:30 in the morning and wouldn't leave until the building closed at midnight. They had such passion and fire for what they were doing.

There were classes that made me feel that fire, but overall, just between you and me, if I had been an Illustration major, I would have had that fire for every class. Design is something I sincerely enjoy, but I prefer the more creative aspects of the job over the technical aspects. Could I devote my life to only art? I think so, if it were the right kind of art. Could I devote my entire life to martial arts? I know so. While I experienced maybe a taste of that kind of life at college, what does it mean to really, REALLY have that kind of passion, and to really live it?

My point is... actually... I'm not even sure what my point is or where I was going with this... Other than, I have been thinking a lot about what this life change is going to mean and how my perspective will change. This goes back to the bushido post I think. Deciding what values you want to live your life by and what kind of life you want your life to be.

Its a lot to think about. I know these things will change and grow over time as I change and grow. Sensei Nick and I have already started planning out a potential schedule and material to cover and such, which I may share if anyone is interested.

For now, suffice it to say I am excited, scared, nervous, and in general looking forward to starting this journey.  I will post more thoughts on what it means to be an uchideshi and related topics as they come.

If anyone is interested in any of the links or information regarding uchideshi programs, let me know and I will be happy to share what I have gathered.

Sorry for such an odd, stream of consciousness post, thanks for listening all, have a great week!

Traditional Weapons - worthwhile or a waste of time?

Two of my most very favorite things in Martial Arts are Kata and Traditional Weapons.

Kata clearly has a substantial amount of value as far as practicality goes. It is not just a set pattern of moves that look good together and is not a dance. Check out Way of Kata for more information about just how totally bad ass kata really is.

This leads me to my other favorite thing, weapons. Now, obviously we don't go around carrying katanas and sai daggers and tonfa in today's world. For a long time I thought weapons were something was really fun to learn and know how to do, but probably not something that would be incredibly practical.

However, last night, during my private lesson in Kempo, (I'm going to keep attending my current dojo up until the last minute when I head out for Oklahoma to join Guinn Martial Arts as an uchideshi.) my instructor said, "You know, I don't feel like going over anything specific today, lets just learn some bo staff! Everybody cool with that?" Which we all were.

So, in giving us a bit of a brief run down on the history of the bo staff and such, he went on to explain how it is his favorite weapon because it can be both classical and practical. He said many of the weapons forms are (at least in their school) more for performance than application. Especially in today's society. The chances of someone pulling out a Chinese board sword and attacking you are very slim. Or the chances that you have a katana, sai, tonfa, or kama on you to be able to defend yourself should you get attacked are also very slim.  But a bo staff.... doesn't have to be a bo staff per say. Could be a broom, or a shovel, or something similar.

Oooooh... how interesting. I'd never thought of that before.

This makes me want to look around my house and figure out all the objects I could use in lieu of a weapon. Which is perhaps a little silly of me, but if your life depends on it, you may have to improvise, so why not? If you know how to hurt someone with a shinai, the same technique may also work with... say... my umbrella. Which is a large sturdy umbrella with a solid supporting rod that doesn't slide down/compress into a smaller size. So when its closed its a similar size and shape to a shinai...  Hmmm.

Am I a little crazy? Maybe so. But. I prefer to live by the boy scout motto which is "Be Prepared!" I refuse to be a victim. I am always alert and ready when in public. Not necessarily in fight or flight mode, but just... aware. I try to be taking in my surroundings, noticing the people that are in the area, etc. I have a kubaton on my keys. What happens if some dude abducts me and locks me in the shed and I lose my keys? But perhaps there is a shovel near by? WHO KNOWS! You can never get hung up on the 'what ifs' because you will be at it for forever and never get anywhere. I'd rather try to have a small set of fault-tolerant techniques and be able to improvise in any situation. (This is what Mr. Miller refers to as 'having a decision stick')

Back to the point. Obviously this doesn't even begin to cover topics like knife fighting/knife defense, or what if someone pulls a gun on you, etc. That'll have to be another post for another day. Even so, I don't think weapon training is, by any means, useless. Even in today's society. Learn everything you can. You never know when it will come in handy.

Have a great weekend all. You can bet I'll be spending some time in the park this weekend working on what I picked up in class with my new, handy, home made bo staff. (Home Depot, Dowel rod, $10, FTW)