The 4th Precept

I've been thinking a lot about this week's precept, which is "Think lightly of yourself and deeply of the world."

Some of the questions the Musashi Field Manual asked this week have also been nagging at me. Questions like "What inconsequential comparisons am I allowing my thoughts to be clouded by?" "What power do these thoughts take from me?" "Are my opinions part of the problem?" "Seeking praise is hard work, and the reward is short lived. Where in life do I seek praise?" All these questions are weighing heavy on me.

I consider myself a fairly private person and try to keep my social media light and happy. No airing dirty laundry, no 'vague-booking', and so on. I don't always succeed, but I try. However, in an attempt to be vulnerable and to let go of some of these useless insecurities, I have some confessions to make. Here goes:

I think that I seek a lot of external validation to make up for a lack of internal self confidence. I don't like being in the lime-light because I'm worried I will be a disappointment, but at the same time I secretly want to excel and crave approval.

I am terrified of being made to look stupid in front of people. What I mean is, if I am having a conversation with someone I look up to and respect, and they ask me a question, unless I know with absolute certainty I know the answer, I'll try to deflect and say I don't know. And even when I do know the answer, often I will second guess myself and simply say "I'm not sure". Either way I always feel embarrassed and feel like I should have answered differently or I should have known the answer or been more confident.

Further, I constantly worry about saying the right things when I'm with people who I respect and admire. I worry that everything I say sounds stupid or lame. I recently got a discord account and have been using it to get guidance from some people I back on Patreon. After I finished my most recent work, I asked if they minded when people colored their line art, like I had just done. That was days ago and I've gotten no response. I know they've been online because they've commented in other threads. I've been plagued by thoughts of "How stupid and pathetic, you sound like a crazy, dim-witted fan-girl, of course they haven't answered, why would they even dignify such a stupid question with an answer." Even as I'm typing this up, I am debating whether I will post this or not, because "No one gives a shit and you're just making yourself look like a lame-ass complainer."

I just recently accepted a position as a PTA. (yay me) But instead of being excited, I'm nervous and anxious about my first day next week. I'm afraid I'm going to be "found out" and that I don't actually know anything and that I'll be incapable of doing the job.

I've heard these types of feelings/behavior patterns described as "High Functioning Anxiety" or "Impostor Syndrome". I bear them as my secret shame while trying to present myself as cool and collected to the outside world. My husband is one of the few people who knows the deep dark truth about how horribly out of control my self doubt and anxiety can spiral.

Here's the thing. I KNOW I'm not stupid. I know that I'm intelligent and accomplished. I have multiple degrees and a host of continuing education certifications. I'm eloquently spoken (most of the time). I work hard. I'm always striving to learn more or deepen my understanding on various topics. I posses a decent amount of common sense to boot. So why do I constantly feel bogged down with the weight of always feeling shitty about myself or stressing over whether or not someone perceives me as unintelligent or unskilled? I have some friends out there who will say it is because I haven't decided to truly accept or love myself, or I haven't acknowledged my inner goddess and divine light. Maybe that's true?

I think this is where a lot of the questions that Kris Wilder presented with this precept start to make sense.

Constant comparisons to others and worries about how I am perceived, these things are not things I can control. Everyone is on a different path and a different journey. Comparing myself to them doesn't really do any good. They're in a different place than I am, thinking thoughts unknown to me, and they've had different experiences along the way. I cannot control what they think of me. I can only control myself and my responses to the world around me. Thoughts and anxieties only detract from I could be doing. In essence, they are robbing me of power, productivity, even my very happiness. My opinion that what others think of me is important keeps me tethered to these negative thoughts.

Ultimately, in the grand scheme of things, I'm not that important. I'm 1 human among 7,500,000,000. My number one responsibility is to be a good human. To live my best life, to be honest and compassionate, to try to help people where I can, to take care of the earth. In addition, Musashi's first precept is to "Accept everything just the way it is." Not only does questioning my value and my ability get me no-where, it also creates dissonance within myself. As I said, I know I am a smart, capable woman. Why fight that? Why be so afraid someone will not see me that way? Why tell myself a different story than the truth?

Breaking free from society's programming can be difficulty, and it's something I'm still working very hard at. Things that happened in my past don't have to define how I view myself in the present. I'm not a victim. I'm not the little kid who got picked on and bullied and ostracized. I've grown up into a bad ass warrior maiden who knows how to work hard and has a learned a ton of shit about a lot of different subjects. Anatomy, Physical Therapy, Fitness, Graphic Design, Art, all kinds of stuff.

Think lightly of yourself and deeply of the world.

What I'm coming to realize this week is that this means I need to rest easy and be confident in the truth of who I am. I shouldn't be wasting energy feeling anxious about how people may perceive me. Those are heavy thoughts and they weigh me down and make me feel like shit. The truth is that I am an intelligent, thoughtful, creative, strong, capable, loving human. I don't have to spend time and energy thinking deeply about my truth, those thoughts don't weigh anything! If anything, they're like anti-gravity thoughts they're so light. What I should be thinking deeply about is how I can impact the world. How can I make a difference in someone's life? How can I change the world for the better, even if it's just for one person? How can I use my skills and talents to help lift someone else up and make their world a better place?

It's not easy stuff, trying undo 30 years of negative self-talk and bad programming. Nothing worth doing is ever easy; but that's what makes it worth the effort. 

Coping with Stress

I did a post about this before, but I wanted to revisit the topic. My mom came down to visit this weekend and she is having an incredibly stressful time in her job right now. She's been having horrible migraines that last for days as well as gastrointestinal discomfort. She said she was going to the doctor on Monday about it. I told her she was stressed and she needed a massage. Mom called me today and said that the doctor told her, "It's very likely stress related, get a massage and/or try some yoga." That's right mom, the Tiffani knows best, so this article is for you. (And anyone else who is dealing with a tremendous amount of stress in their life)

Last time I covered some of the effects stress can have on your body and briefly went over some ways to deal with that, but I want to go a little more in depth on how to handle stress as opposed to just listing all the terrible things it can do to your body.

First it's very important to identify the sources of stress in your life. If it is something you can't avoid (in my mom's case it's her job) then you should try to work on limiting unnecessary stress. (By the way mom, time to find a new job.) Here are some things you can do to help with limiting your stress. (This website does a great job of explaining them)

Avoid

• Learn to say NO.
• Avoid people who stress you out.
• Make your environment comfortable and reduce sources of anxiety

Alter

• Express your emotions instead of bottling them up
• Be willing to compromise and let some things go
• Attempt to maintain good time management, but not to the point it stresses you out more.

Adapt

• Look at the big picture
• Focus on the positive
• If you're a perfectionist, try not to be so hard on yourself

Accept

• Realize there are things you can't control, and don't try to control them
• Try to find the silver lining
• Learn to forgive (yourself and others)
• Share your feelings

Here is the part I REALLY wanted to focus on. I have stress... I am hurting and I feel miserable from my stress, what can I do!?

• Take a walk
• Sometimes just getting out of the house and away from everything for a minute will help clear your head. I often find if I am stressed that physical work helps me to kind of shut my brain off from all the things I am worrying about. If I am walking or working out or doing yard work I tend to zone out and focus on my task as opposed to obsessing over whatever is bothering me.
• Spend some time in nature
• Spending some time just sitting in the sun and listening to the birds or wind in the trees can be very relaxing. Sunshine provides us with much needed vitamin D and it is, in general, very good for your mental health. (There is a type of depression called S.A.D. which is Seasonal Affective Disorder. This most commonly happens during winter months when there is less sunlight and can be treated by photo-therapy and U.V. lights. Just goes to show sunshine is important!)
• Call a good/trusted friend
• Sometimes talking to someone who you love and trust, who is willing to just listen and let you vent, can make you feel worlds better. It really helps to get all that anxiety out and express it in a healthy way. 
• Go work out
• This is along the same lines as physical activity for me. I only focus on the work out. Sometimes stress or anger can fuel a very intesive work out. It's a great way to get some of that anxious energy out of your body and you will usually feel exhausted but satisfied at the end.
• Keep a journal and vent in it
• For people who don't like venting or talking to other people as much, keeping a journal can be a great way to get all of those negative emotions out. By putting them down on paper you are getting them out of your head and not keeping them bottled up. You can write whatever you want in the journal, scribble up the pages, and get all that stress and frustration out in a safe way without worrying about 'bringing someone else down'. (Even though your friends are happy to listen and support you and they love you, sometimes it's just hard to talk to people.)
• Take a long hot bath
• Aaaaaaaaaaah, So relaxing. Just don't fall asleep in the tub.
• Light scented candles or other aromatherapy
• Just having some nice smells around the house can be great. Especially when coupled with a hot bath or with your massage. For those of your who scoff at thinking just smelling something can help you feel better, there is some scientific evidence that it really does work. If you're interested The Mayo Clinic offers a brief explanation on aromatherapy and this site explains a little more how it actually works.
• Drink a hot beverage, like teas or hot chocolates. (Maybe not Coffee as it has a lot of caffeine).
• Sometimes holding something warm in your hands can make you feel safe and relaxed. And teas and hot chocolates are yummy. Just make sure you're staying away from things with high volumes of sugar and caffeine as that can have the opposite effect of what we are trying to achieve.
• Pet an animal.
• Scientific studies have shown that petting an animal significantly lowers your blood pressure and reduces stress and depression. There are lots of programs now that will take dogs, cats, and even rabbits into retirement communities and hospitals for people to pet. If you don't have a pet you can always go to your local shelter and spend some time loving on the animals there.
• Spend time on a hobby away from electronics,
• I have found (and I am probably going to get a lot of crap for this) that hobbies involving electronics, like video games, don't do a great job of alieviating stress. It has been my observation that they provide more of an escape then a stress relief as they can be very intense and mentally taxing. When I play a video game, I get very wrapped up in it and when I finish after playing for an extended period of time I feel tired and anxious. Gamers will probably deny it, and don't get me wrong, I LOVE video games, but I don't think they're the BEST source of stress relief. Especially if you like first person shooters and play online, it can be frustrating and irritating when you die over and over or can't get past a certain point in the game, etc etc. Then you wind up even more stressed out than you started with. (although there are some really cool games like Flower that can be relaxing in their own way) In today's world with everything so inundated with electronics and instant updates, try getting away from that and going back to basics. Paint, draw, garden, build models, read, write, fish, hike, bike, haiku, sudoko, jigsaw puzzle, the possibilities are nearly limitless!
• Get a massage
• I set this in bold because massages are AMAZING. I could go on and on about all the awesome benefits of getting a massage. They help your muscles relax, increase blood flow, release stored toxins so your body can flush them, and all kinds of other wholesome goodness. They're awesome. Get one. And drink lots and lots of water when you're done.
• Learn or practice meditation or yoga 
• Meditation can help you focus your mind and clear away distractions. It can be calming and can help you find your center when you are feeling frazzled or overwhelmed. Yoga is a great work out that incorporates stretching, breathing and meditation. It's pretty sweet stuff.
• Listen to some upbeat music
• Music can have a huge affect on your mood. If you are stressed or down, don't listen to heavy metal screamo music. Listen to something light and positive to help bolster your good mood and positive attitude.
• Watch a comedy movie
• Laughter is undoubtedly one of the best medicines out there. Look up a funny video on you tube, watch your favorite silly movie, talk to people who make you laugh. Laughing releases endorphins into your body and can make you feel great.
• Dare I say it... this last one... intended for mature audiences only. You'll have to highlight the text to read it. Otherwise, move along and don't be offended. ^_^
• Have an orgasm. That's right. I said it. Get frisky with your partner or your favorite toy. If you think laughing releases a lot of endorphins into your brain... it's marginal compared to what your body gets after you have an orgasm. Enough said.

In my last article I talked about setting a healthy lifestyle which included eating good whole foods, making time for exercise, reduced caffeine and sugar intake, and avoiding alcohol and drugs. It can take some work to get these habits established if you don't already do a lot of these things, but the benefits are well worth it.

So now, everyone go get a massage and feel better. (Especially you mom!) 

Stressed Out?

Feeling stressed out lately? I am. I'm in the middle of making some huge life changes. Changing jobs, changing states, moving, etc. Half my things are in Colorado, half of them are in Oklahoma, I have no job, and $1200 student loan payment to figure out how to make this month. In addition, Sensei Nick is on the other side of the world for the next 34 days or so. Wooo!

So, in light of all the apprehension and anxiety I've been feeling I wanted to share some facts about stress.

Stress is very bad for you. It is incredibly hard on your body.
Stress effects

• Your Brain: how clearly you think and make decisions as well as how you react emotionally to people and situations. It can also cause headaches and migraines.
• Your Teeth and Mouth: stress can cause you to clench or grind your teeth, which is very bad for them and can lead to TMJ, problems with joints in your jaw, and some studies show gum disease. Stress can also cause canker sores. 
• Your Heart: hormones released into your body when feeling stressed cause your heart to beat faster and blood vessels to constrict, stress has also been linked to high blood pressure, blood clots, and even stroke.
• Your Lungs: people with Asthma or COPD may experience extreme symptoms when stressed
• You Tummy: stress can cause nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, stomach aches, cramps and even ulcers.
• Your Skin: stress can cause break outs including acne, cold sores, and fever blisters. 
• Your Hair: stress can make your hair fall out! Its true. 
• Your Muscles: stress can cause tension to build up in your muscles, especially around the neck, shoulders and back which can lead to all over body pain
• Your Immune System: stress also suppresses the immune system and can cause you to be more susceptible to infections. If you want to avoid getting sick, try to avoid stress.

Well... That's some pretty terrible stuff. As I said, stress is VERY hard on your body. Luckily there are things you can do to cope with stress and avoid some of these icky symptoms. These include:

• SLEEP - be sure to get a good nights rest, 8 hours if you can manage it.
• EAT PROPERLY - most people eat junk when they're stressed out, but by making sure you eat well balanced meals in healthy portion sizes you'll be doing your body a huge favor.
• EXERCISE - this one is huge, most people feel too tired when stressed out to work out, but this is one of the best things you can do for yourself. It helps you burn off some steam and is good for your body. Take a walk/jog/run or head to the gym and pump some iron for half an hour. You may not feel like you have time, but usually when you are stressed and feel that way is when you need to work out the most. Make time and you'll feel much better for doing it.
• PLAN AND PRIORITIZE - planning you schedule, making a to do list, and prioritizing things you need to accomplish can help if you're feeling overwhelmed. Start with some of the small easy stuff and cross these tasks off your list when you are done. This can give you a sense of accomplishment and be a moral booster. You can do it! Don't over-schedule yourself. Also, when setting goals, be sure you are setting SMART goals.
• RELAX and/or MEDITATE - be sure to take some down time. Take a hot bubble bath, lay down in a quiet place and just focus on breathing techniques, meditate, do something that you find enjoyable and non-stressful. Taking a little time to do something for yourself can help you feel rested and restored. It can quiet your mind and give you better focus and more perspective. One thing I think people don't do enough these days is slow down and relax. Sometimes it really is ok to just do nothing.
• TALK IT OUT - talk with friends or family, someone you trust about your anxiety, apprehension, and stress. Sometimes just being able to talk it out helps and you'll feel a lot better after you've just gotten it out of your system. Plus, friends and family also usually form a great support network and can be a great source of encouragement and helpful advice. Avoid negative people or people who are more likely to contribute to your stress. 
• AVOID IF POSSIBLE - finally, avoiding stressful situations (if you can) is the best way to deal with (or not deal with as the case may be) stress and it's side effects. 

So, if you're feeling stressed out, take a walk, eat some fruit and nuts, make a to do list, remember to breathe. Just remember, this too shall pass and you'll be all the stronger for it. Talk to people who are supportive and keep putting one foot in front of the other. 

Have a good week all. I believe in you!

Sources: 

Stress Side Effects

Stress Management

A bit more on stress